A Girl’s Guide to Euro 2008
Posted on 13 June 2008 by Sital Ladva
If the recent Champion’s League, Premier League and FA Cup tournaments weren’t enough this year, we have one more footballing event to add to the calendar. Yes! It’s the long awaited Euro 2008 - which will be entertaining the men folk until the 29th June!
But what about the female population? This the perfect time for you to jet off on holidays with your girls, or go on endless shopping sprees without you having to worry about the amount of TLC you are giving to your man (he will no doubt be getting that from his boys).
I can virtually guarantee that if you ask ‘Darling can I take a grand out of tour account to go shopping?’ while he is watching the footie, he will say yes just to shut you up.
Now I know some of you ladies out there think I’m being stereotypical, and you’re right, I am! But the truth is that there are only a handful of Asian women who know that David Beckham hasn’t played for Manchester United since 2003. Has this come as a complete shock to you? If so, read on. If not, read on anyway.
If you are going to be stuck with your man for the next three weeks, you might as well learn about the beautiful game. Here are some basic rules and tips to help perfect your football knowledge.
Firstly don’t pretend to know things about football when you clearly don’t. You will end up looking like a fool and I will feel embarrassed for you. It’s much better to ask questions than be a fake. Do not ask when England are playing, because the harsh truth is that they are not! This is a sore subject as they did not qualify.
Don’t say ‘I went sari shopping in Wembley and it wasn’t even packed!’. Not all football matches are played at Wembley - Euro 2008 is taking place in Austria and Switzerland.
If your partner is a Manchester United supporter for example (woo hoo!) do not ask if they are playing. A friend of mine did this during World Cup 2006 and she is still being cussed. Euro 2008 and the World Cup are about countries competing, not English teams competing. Therefore Ronaldo and Rooney will not be playing in the same team as they are from different countries. Rooney will not be playing - full stop.
Have a good reason to be supporting a team. ‘Because red is my favourite colour’ or ‘Because Beckham is fit’ is not a good enough reason.
If you’re going to watch a football match with the boys don’t get all tarted up. You will stick out like a sore thumb. It’s all about being casual. And to tell you the truth no-one is going to notice what you’re wearing. It’s all about the football.
Now here’s the big one. If you really want to impress the lads with your football knowledge, learn the offside rule. If you get this right you will be loved by them all (trust me I’ve experienced the praise and it’s so good). So in terms I’m sure all you girls will understand, here is the legendary offside rule: You’re in a shop on Southall Broadway and you’re second in the queue to pay for your sari. Behind the uncle ji you spot an even better sari and you’re not going to leave the shop until you have it. The auntie ji in front of you has also seen the sari and drooling over it. But both of you have forgotten your money hoping that your other half will pay. Seeing as it is an auntie ji in front of you, it would be disrespectful to push in front of her when you have no money to pay for the beautiful sari. The uncle ji is still patiently waiting at the till. Your other half at the other end of the shop however is getting bored waiting for you but notices that you are in a dilemma. He gets ready to throw his credit card at you so you can start haggling with the uncle ji and then pay him. You can quickly catch his credit card and walk around the auntie ji and buy the gorgeous sari. However, he could throw his credit card ahead of the auntie ji, and while it is in the air you could quickly run around the auntie ji, catch the card and buy the sari. But the golden rule is that until the card has actually been thrown it would be disrespectful for you to be in front of the auntie ji - and that is when you would be OFFSIDE!
So, just to clarify:
You = Player
Uncle ji = Goal keeper
Auntie ji = Defender
Your man = Player in your team
Credit card = Beautiful Ball
Sari = Goal
Once you get this in your head you’re sorted!
Well that was your mini guide to Euro 2008. Hopefully it has clarified your doubts and made you confident enough to confront the boys. If you are still baffled by all this football malarkey, just hold your head up high and cheer when the boys cheer, swear when the boys swear and cry when the boys cry (yes boys cry when their team lose).
   (12 votes. Average: 3.9 out of 5) |
Tags : football
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June 13th, 2008 at 9:58 am
hahaha..i really enjoy the “tips”! i am a Malay, from Malaysia, by the way! again…good article!
June 13th, 2008 at 10:05 am
the offside rule was quality! funny article, good stuff!
June 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Hey Sital… that was a really good article… i loved the “offside” explaination.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hello, A friend emailed me this article this morning, and it made me laugh cos it is so true.
A woman needs to learn a few tips for some male attention during football. Thanks for the tips.
June 13th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
i love it whn i gals likes football
& there’s nuthing sexier thn a gal in football top
esp if its arsenal……….lol
i think woman need 2 understand tht football is nt jst a game
if u want 2 c a man cry thn it will most likely be at a football match
i’ve taken gals 2 football matches & most of them loved it
sital i liked yer version of the offside rule
i’m sure yer fell is well proud……..lol
jst thought i’d mention there is an asian gal called vanisha patel who plays for charlton ladies fc , maybe someone could interview her & inspire more asian ladies 2 take up the game?
June 13th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Brilliant
x
June 14th, 2008 at 12:40 am
If you watch a Euro match you’ll see as many females as there are males (ok maybe its not exactly 50/50 but it’s not too far off). This shouldn’t be the “girls” guide to Euro.. you should have just called it The Idiots Guide to Football.. I’m opposed to sexism. Also all you’ve really clarified is that England is not playing in this Euro Cup, you didn’t actually explain ANYTHING about Euro. The offside explanation was the only mildly entertaining thing about this article.. otherwise it was sorely unoriginal and unimaginative. Just thought some healthy criticism would do you some good.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:36 am
some one needs to get laid, and by that I mean you CRITIC.
is it because her writing is so good? i’ve noticed your comments and it appears all you’re out to do is make negative comments guised as constructive criticism.
June 14th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Dearest Kadija,
Hm maybe I do need to get laid.. I am a virgin so I wouldn’t know the personality benefits of having sex :) but thanks for caring! First of all I’ve yet to BASH on any individual person, unlike you. I have absolutely nothing against this author or any other writer, and if the article was really good why would I hate on it? I wouldn’t gain anything from that. I love writing and I love journalism so if I see something that is good, I appreciate it, I don’t hate.
Let me explain my thought process to you. When I read an article that is not good.. I comment. Also if another post ALREADY stated what they appreciate or hate about the article and I agree with that post then I don’t repeat it because hello?.. It’s already been said and probably said better by the other person! A lot of articles on this website are good, but I haven’t commented on it because I haven’t been interested in the subject as I am not based in the UK and know nothing about some of these articles (although I can still appreciate the writing!!) I generally comment when I know what I’m talking about.
I’m not some super famous journalist that has the right to judge any article but I am allowed to sit on my comfy couch and post away, just like you are. If the writer doesn’t want to take my criticism that’s his or her choice but I am allowed to state my opinion. Furthermore if anyone has something to say that negates my previous post or any other post that I write I am all up for some healthy discussion, but bashing someone’s character or hating on someone personally is what I would define as “negative comments”. Definetely not constructive crticism.
Last point: I haven’t gone back to read my other posts but am flattered you took the time out to read them :P
Oh.. and when I said “The Idiot’s Guide..” there are a series of books called “Facebook for Dummies” “Myspace for Dummies” etc. in Canada, it’s just a spoof on that.. my point was that girls enjoy football as much as guys do and like I stated before, I am opposed to sexism. I was NOT trying to say that this article is so bad it’s for idiots, rather that my recommended title would have been better suited for this article as the current title is misleading. Just thought I’d clarify in case that point was lost in translation as I am from the other side of the pond!
Love always,
Critic
June 15th, 2008 at 2:55 am
woww the last few posts made my day.. critic ur post is dam clear n well written. I agree completely this article wasn’t really about Euro. It wasn’t trash or anything just not very informative..still overall good job it was entertaining liked the offside rule explanation
June 15th, 2008 at 11:55 am
the “critic” did have a point, it wasnt really a guide 2 the Euro’s tho, it went slightly off topic. however still entertaining on certain accounts.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Haha, that offside comparison is brilliant
June 16th, 2008 at 10:07 am
A friend once asked me who Arsenal were playing in the world cup, I replied France, thinking that she’d realise that half their team was French…she didn’t! Another asked me how Beckham would still play for Utd if he’s in LA all the time?!
I’m ignorant when it comes to football, I expect everyone to know what I’m talking about and I find it shocking when my girl friends say ‘Shut up, you’re boring me!’
Fantastic offside rule explanation. I will definitely use it as an example…no more salt & pepper shakers, tomato ketchup bottles and banging your head against a brick wall :)
It’s nice for a change to enjoy good football over the Summer and not have to bite off all our nails when England get to penalties, then cry our eyes out for hours and blame anyone but the team.
Great Article.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
WOW Sital!!!!!
I must say i am very impressed with your knowledge on football!!! And thank you for your explaination of ‘offside’. I will try and use it the next time a match is on….Lets see if the guys are really impressed.
June 20th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Brilliant explanation!! Also well written. That has definately widened my knowledge on football. :D
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
Brilliant!
October 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Heyy my mum was just searching my name on the internet ‘like you do’ and she found this she told me to look at it as someone had written a comment that included me, yess i play for charlton athletic and i would always be up for an interview if that it what you wanted?
and it would be nice to know who the person is that mentioned me :)
plus i do like the way you explained the offside rule, it took years for my mum to learn it!