Being Gay and Asian in Britain
Posted on 02 February 2009 by Sital Ladva
What would you do if, out of the blue, your son, daughter, brother or sister told you that they were gay?
Of course it would be a shock at first. The kind of thing is not common in Asian society. But if you really loved them, you would accept it, right?
More often than not, it’s not the case!
When it comes to Asian culture, ‘love’ doesn’t come into the equation. It’s all a question of ‘shame’: the shame that your son or daughter being homosexual would bring to your family. For Asian parents, the shame is often too much to bear, and they would rather consider their children dead than accept their harsh reality. Perhaps then it is understandable that these people would sacrifice their sexuality to prevent them from being disowned by their families.
Let me recollect on a personal occurrence. A guy I knew was openly gay. He brought his boyfriends to parties and gatherings, but, not surprisingly, the secret life he led was unknown to his family. The latest news on the grapevine? He’s agreed to marry a girl his parents have introduced him to.
But I don’t feel sorry for him at all.
It is his unsuspecting bride-to-be that I have sympathy for.
Paradox it may be, but shouldn’t he be a man and stand up for himself?
Is the girl he’s committing the rest of his life to even aware of his sexuality?
Is she accepting of it? And if she isn’t in the know, is this acceptable on his part?
Another friend of mine has recently come ‘out’ to his family about his sexuality. Initially, his parents thought it was a joke. They put it down to a phase he was going through in the dire hope that somehow God would make him straight. It didn’t happen. It took time, but they eventually accepted the truth about their son.
When it comes to the media in Britain, there have only been a few references to being gay and Asian.
The most memorable ones which come to mind are:
- Ian Aspinall’s character Nazir in East is East. He was disowned by his father after he abandoned his arranged marriage and started living a secret life with his boyfriend in London. He came back to face his father, but backed out at the last minute, reinforcing the fact that if you are Asian and gay, you can’t have a family.
- Jimi Mistry played a gay doctor called Dr Fred Fonseca in Eastenders, although I don’t think itsignificantly counts as his character wasn’t typically Asian.He was quite forgettable and didn’t have any solid storylines.
- Channel4 showed a documentary in 2006 called Being Muslim and Gay in Britain. This was a real eye-opener. The majority of the men involved in the documentary did not want to be identified as they feared they would be killed if the community found out they were gay.
- The teen soap Hollyoaks recently introduced its first Asian family-the Roys. Hunky Ravi Roy, played by Stephen Uppal, is bi-sexual in the soap, but yet again, his family are unaware of his sexuality. It will be interesting to see whether the Roys will end up portraying the typical homophobic Asian family when/if it is revealed that Ravi is bi-sexual.
The notion that homosexuality in the Asian community is abnormal and wrong will probably never go away. Perhaps it will always remain a taboo subject? I do think that it’s about time the Desi community woke up to the fact that sometimes, people are different.
  (5 votes. Average: 3 out of 5) |
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February 2nd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
RE: “What would you do if, out of the blue, your son, daughter, brother or sister told you that they were gay?”
The question should be “What would you do if, out of the blue, your son, daughter, brother or sister told you that they CHOSE to be gay?”
Genetic predispositions to homosexuality are still disproved and disputed. Just as the atheists insist that theists must prove the existence of God, we believers insist that until THEY can definitively prove that homosexuality is genetically sourced, we will resist this disgusting filthy habit as a norm in civilised society.
It is unnatural, it is messed up and any son/daughter who claims to be one, should be rehabilitated or mentally sectioned! lol.
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
a bit of a poor article.
its doesn’t state anything or go anywhere.
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm
if someone thinks their gay then they are gay and that’s it doesn’t matter if science can prove it or not. If your child says they are gay u either accept them for being gay or disown. shouldn’t try to change them cos it won’t work.
Also someone once told me that “A child abuser is turned on by children that’s why they have sex with a child, Gay people are turned on by people of the same sex that’s why a gay man has sex with a man” Only difference is gay people are both normally consenting adults where as in the other case one is a child. However the fact is both situations are not natural and it is due to a sexual perversion of the mind”
what do you think?
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
lol this article is a joke, this whole site is a joke. The only people that write half decent articles are the blokes and even those are average at best.
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
>JC
That’s a bit harsh. Are you sure you’re not gay, and slightly offended by the article? :/
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 am
I don’t think its wrong to be gay. Its wrong to act up on once “gay-ness” as a parents they are suppose to tell the kids its wrong and to stay away from any sin & forget personal/relationship.
People can live without sex/love. Plenty of ladies, who never get chosen to be married in bd do that.
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:58 am
Rob, you calling Jesus Christ gay is blasphemous lol
Meg, time to join the rest of us in the real world you secluded, deluded silly girl…..either that or go back to bd.
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@ JC want to come out for some coffee sometime?
February 4th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
JC - hahaha
skip Steve’s offer - green tea and sushi with me anytime
lol
February 5th, 2009 at 2:53 am
Homosexuality is not natural, all living things have to abide to certain rules one of them is that they must reproduce along with eating and breathing and a few other things
Being homosexual prevents you from reproducing. This clearly breaks the rule and is not the way god/nature intended, imagine if all of mankind turned homosexual,
Man would be extinct.
I think homosexuals should be imprisoned or exucuted they are a threat to the human race!
February 9th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Homosexuals should be subjected to compulsory psychiatric therapy in line with other Arb nations. Its not normal, and its certainly not natural being a chocolate pirate.
February 11th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
A shockingly racist play by Richard Bean (playwright with a record of bigoted views - In the Club, The English Game, etc) debuts at the National Theatre.
All minorities need to take a position in order to raise the level of national debate about multiculturalism. The hard-earned progress of recent years is denied by thinly-veiled bigots like Mr Bean, who would like to conduct the debate permanently at the level of suicide bombers / with us or against us.
His past plays In The Club was notable for its virulent opposition to Turkey in the EU, whereas The English Game made liberal use of Mohammad jokes, three years after that joke became passe.
Anyway, please go see it for yourself. Encourage your friends to go with you. It’s called England People Very Nice and it’s running at the National Theatre.
http://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/englandpeople/
An Asian playwright’s reaction
http://www.socialistworker.co.uk/art.php?id=17070
March 1st, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Humans are red bloodied animals, you do see cases of gay animals from time to time, would you execute them??? How can any muslim discriminate anyone who are gay when they persecute woman and treat them like dirt that is not normal either but tht is always kept as taboo. Being gay doesnt change who a person is they are not mad, dont need therapy and they are who they are if they are happy then who cares if they are gay strait bi etc.
March 1st, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Nellie:
Gay Animals are not subservient to the values of God, because of one simple reason; they were not created for His purpose nor to serve Him consciously, hence “gay” animals are of no concern to humans. We are Humans, and we do not take our values from animals nor do we seek to justify perverse behaviour.
By your analogy, “murder” would be deemed to be ok. Animals also commit “murder” and kill one another, and just because we do not hold a trial for the Antelope for the “murder” of its father by the Lion, does not mean that murder is any less serious amongst humans!!!
Re: Women mistreatment by Muslims
Such mistreatment is not from Islam, and is an example of deviancy from the pristine values of Islam which prohibit such mindless abuse or mistreatment of either gender. Such things are only “hidden” amongst such communities due to their cultural habits, rather than religion. Islam encourages the rights of women and prohibits the serious violence against women, that we hear of in the media.
Re: “Being gay doesnt change who a person is they are not mad, dont need therapy and they are who they are if they are happy then who cares if they are gay strait bi”
Would you say the same thing about incestuous couples? Or how about incestuous homosexuals?
Do you consider it to be ok if a brother/brother got together? Or a brother and sister who practise safe-sex to avoid abnormal children, and yet continue to satisfy their sexual perversions?
One could easily justify incest in the same way that you have justified homosexuality! It “doesnt change who a person is they are not mad, dont need therapy and they are who they are if they are happy then who cares if they are…” incestuous?!
It’s a slippery slope Nellie.
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 am
Why does anyone even care? Let people live their lives as they please! You’ll be a lot happier when you focus on your shit rather than on other people’s lives.
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 am
Humanist:
Much in the same way that you just expressed your opinion about us posting our opinion on the sick perversion of homosexuality - we ALSO have a right to post.
I’d like to see you reserve your judgment and opinion when your son comes up to you and says “Dad, I’m in love with the boy next door” or perhaps even more sickeningly and increasingly likely “I slept with my brother”, or perhaps even more disturbingly “I’m in love with the dog. But it’s ok, he wags his tail so it must be mutual!”. LOL.
It’s a sliding scale of morality! Either nip these issues in the bud *now* or live to regret the consequences later.
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:40 am
What a typical stuck up, ignorant and arrogant Muslim response….comparing homosexuality to incest and beastiality. In the same fashion people could making sweeping statements about all Muslims being extremists, terrorists and war mongerers. Not far removed from the truth judging by some of the idiots who post on her. Ya’ll need Jesus in your lives!
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
LOL. Calm down, you’re gona crucify yourself at this rate.
It wasn’t a sweeping statement. It was a comparison. Homosexuality and incest are similar;
1. both are based on sexual instincts
2. both have violated clearly established relationship boundaries; homosexuality/gender, incest/siblings
3. both are unnatural (if indeed either of them can be found in a gene, then they should be considered to be “defects” not a mere trait!)
4. both are forbidden by God himself (across various religions).
I am not saying they are identical or the same, but my point is that they share such similar characteristics that they are very comparable.
Why do we “discriminate” against incestuous couples? Do they cause us any direct harm? No they dont. Do they have the “right” to love and live with who they want? Yes they do. (just like homosexuals!!).
Some people argue that incest is worse due to the defects that can arise in children from incestuous relationships. But here’s a question to all those who answered NO:
Q: What if modern medicine finds a way to avoid these “malformations”, what then? Does it now become less of an evil? Does it become ok to commit incest if the male undergoes a vasectomy to avoid impregnating his sister? Of course not! So the medical argument now longer exists - so do you now accept that incest is ok? (I doubt your answer is yes!). So if you and I continue to condemn what incestuous” couples do, then why don’t we “leave them to it” (as you claim homosexuals should be “left to it”) instead of condemning their incest?
I’ll tell you why! - Because society tells you to condemn incest but it doesn’t tell you to condemn homosexuality. That’s the crux of the matter and we shouldn’t be flowing with whatever society dictates tells us to believe!
Muslims, Christians, Jews (and others) - should stick to the word of God, whereas society is flawed and will continue to change and pervert all sense of morality.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
To Jesus Christ…
Jesus is in our lives we are following his way and example! I have not come across anything that shows homosexuality is fine by him! Homosexuality is not natural…if every one decided to become gay the humans as a species would probably become extinct!
June 17th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
OMG, i can’t believe the comments i’ve read on this site!
homophobes or what. AK you’re a joke. and you are muslim i bet.
“1. both are based on sexual instincts” - so is being hetrosexual.
“2. both have violated clearly established relationship boundaries; homosexuality/gender, incest/siblings”, - so is rape, paedophiles, sexual predators, who abuse others. - homosexuality is not abuse.
“3. both are unnatural (if indeed either of them can be found in a gene, then they should be considered to be “defects” not a mere trait!)” - google and you’ll find that sexual orientation is set in the womb. gays are gays. bi’s are bi’s. get over it. you can’t change them. that’s how they are born.
“4. both are forbidden by God himself (across various religions). - maybe just in islam.”- Certainly not in hinduism and christianity. visit india, and you’ll recall lots of karma sutra, sam sex positions carved into century old monuments.
I’m INDIAN and came out to my family a few years ago. It was hard and i never expected them to except. And they haven’t. And that’s fine. I don’t rub it in their face, I don’t talk about it.
But one thing they have realised, is that its not SEXUAL! We don’t look at girls and say “I can’t wait to get me a piece of that”. If you fall in love with someone, whatever sex, so be it. That’s something that can’t be helped.
You’re mind can not be altered either. it will merely mess you up.
My parents have realised i’m still the same person i was before. And like most asian parents think, not a sexual predator.
Amen!
June 17th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
“WTF”,
Regarding points 1 and 2; They were intended to draw an analogy between homosexuality and incest, which I actually mentioned in the following posts (and you chose to ignore them). You completely IGNORED the incest/homosexuality analogy which I inferred upon in order to draw on the sheer immorality of BOTH, and yet homosexuals claim that they are better???
If incestuous couples practicsed safe sex (vasectomy for instance) thereby circumventing any medical arguments against incest, on what grounds could you condemn incest without condemning homosexuality too? I think you’ll find that you can’t condemn one without condemning the other, and you can’t accept ONE without accepting the other! So which is it going to be??
Do you consider it to be ok if a brother/brother got together? Or a brother and sister who practise safe-sex to avoid abnormal children, and yet continue to satisfy their sexual perversions?One could easily justify incest in the same way that you have justified homosexuality!
June 17th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Regarding point 3, have a read through the links that I provided. The theories that you provide in support of the phantom “homosexual gene” are not proven.
http://www.narth.com/docs/istheregene.html
“Time and time again, scientists have claimed that particular genes or chromosomal regions are associated with behavioral traits, only to withdraw their findings when they were not replicated. “Unfortunately,” says Yale’s [Dr. Joel] Gelernter, “it’s hard to come up with many” findings linking specific genes to complex human behaviors that have been replicated. “…All were announced with great fanfare; all were greeted unskeptically in the popular press; all are now in disrepute.” - Mann, C. Genes and behavior. Science 264:1687 (1994).
Homosexuality is influenced by the environment and the choices that YOU made:
“While the authors interpreted their findings as evidence for a genetic basis for homosexuality, we think that the data in fact provide strong evidence for the influence of the environment” - Billings, P. and Beckwith, J. Technology Review, July, 1993. p. 60.
“… the interaction of genes and environment is much more complicated than the simple “violence genes” and intelligence genes” touted in the popular press.The same data that show the effects of genes, also point to the enormous influence of nongenetic factors” - Mann, C. op. cit. pp. 1686-1689.
IF IT WAS NATURAL and “genetic”, then it would’ve wiped itself out of the human race by now, simply due to the fact that you’re not reproducing to pass “it” on!
Regarding point 4; the Abrahamic faiths, those which are adhered to strictly, unanimously condemn homosexuality. It’s only the sick, twisted and deluded interpretations of such faiths that seems to permit such filthy behaviour. No orthodox Muslim, Christian or Jew would ever accept your homosexual lifestyle, and likewise it is considered to be a sin - just like incest.
June 20th, 2009 at 4:11 am
PEOPLE
i’m so saddened by what i’m reading.
for the many people on here attacking muslims, COME ON. AK, who may or may not be a muslim, does not represent all muslims.
it’s strange and disappointing that in an article boosting the visibility of a queer group, the readers are bashing another group.
to AK, let’s try to leave the judging to the almighty. you are not the almighty. you don’t know what goes through the mind of every single gay person, muslim or non muslim. for many people, it’s an incredibly painful experience, being gay and coming out to your family (muslim or non muslim). the suicide rates amongst gay teens are some of the highest. we need to have compassion for all human beings. let them work out their issues with the almighty.
we as human beings should just offer support and guidance. in the after life we will most likely be judged for being judgmental! even if you think you’re in the right by judging others, or you hold tightly onto the belief that homosexuality is haraam, then brother, why not volunteer your time counseling instead of damning people when you yourself are in no position to determine who is going to hell and who is not?
i think it really doesn’t matter what scientists say about being gay. like you said in an earlier comment, people trying to prove/disprove homosexuality sound just as stupid as people trying to prove/disprove the presence of the almighty.
maybe you’ve never spoken to a gay person in your life? walked in their shoes, heard their side of the story? open your heart, have compassion, and offer guidance only if you yourself are an expert in the subject.
that’s all i have to say to AK
as for all of you people attacking muslims/islam, “that is such a typical muslim thing to say”, i’ll offer the same advice - you dont want to be the person who is racist or judging others. your souls are just too precious for you to dirty them up by having racist ideas. open up your minds and your hearts, i’m saying this for your sake more than my own. we are all human and no group is better or worse than others. furthermore, no group is homogenous - there is no one definitive opinion on homosexuality or any other issue in islam. christ, there’s a documentary that someone just made on queer muslims - it’s called “jihad for love”. there’s an entire ocean of muslims who are progressive and open minded and doing good for the world. just because the media doesn’t give us facetime, doesn’t mean we don’t exist. taleban was funded by the united states government, trained by the CIA, just like the countless terrorist movements in sub-sahara africa, south east asia, central asia, and latin america. they are not a “muslim” group, they are a political group, just like any other terrorist organization.
hope i didn’t offend anyone in this message, i just wanted to push the discussion towards a point of humanity instead of senseless backbiting.
peace to you all!
June 20th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Farrah,
My entire posts were entirely aimed at the action of homosexuality and the concept of it all. Never once did I threaten or abuse a specific homosexual person! I have not violated their rights, and I have only exercised my freedom of speech (and obligation) in condemning their activities - in the same way that they exercised their freedom of speech in defending homosexuality! This is a debate of equal measure, and I have used analogies and questions in order to open up the discussion, and I have never resorted to mindless insults or attacks. Bear in mind that my condemnation is towards their actions and their behaviour, NOT towards them as a person.
You have quite rightly said that we should not judge the individual - but perhaps you should try and re-read my posts and you will not find ANY incitement to violence or hatred towards homosexual individuals. There is a SUBTLE difference between judging the concept and judging the person - and only the discerning amongst the readers will understand that I was only doing the former (not the latter).
If a homosexual person accepted the immorality of his “homosexuality” and sincerely wanted to change, then I would be obliged to help him and to advise him. I would have no right to judge him as a person since we are all sinners for different reasons and extents. But the only way they can be afforded this right to forgiveness is if they ADMIT to their faults to begin with. How can someone expect redemption if he/she refuses to acknowledge the wrongs of his actions altogether? With repentance, ADMISSION must come first. Therefore, on this very public debate, we need to reinforce the idea that homosexuality is WRONG and in doing so, we ARE helping others see the immorality of it all so that they can begin their path towards forgiveness.
Oh and for your information; it is not “backbiting” when we condemn murderers, homosexuals, rapists, incestuous couples, homosexuals in general. If that were the case then even God would be guilty of it since throughout his Books (abrahimic revelations), he has consistently condemned many sins and warned the perpertrators. Backbiting only exists when we are referring to a SPECIFIC individual when his IDENTITY has been revealed. This has never been the case on this debate, since we are only referring to the concept and not any known individual.
June 20th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
ok, being gay in any way is not wrong, get over it, people cant help who they are, how can they choose to be with a woman or a man if they dont love them. like lesbians or gays are not wrong as why would a lesbian settle down and have kdis with a man if she was never going to be happy and the same with a man and a women, look get over it and focus on yyour own life or other important things like pedofiles and stuff, stop worrying about gay people as its PERFECTLY NORMAL AND YOU CANT STOP THEM,. SO GET OVER IT!
June 20th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Homosexuality is as disgusting as incest. The proponents/defendants of homosexuality have no reason to condemn/reject incest! Both incestuous and homosexual couples claim the same reasons for their sick behaviour, and as such, we should not accept either of two concepts.
If homosexuals can prove why they are different from incestuous couples, then let them prove their case here and now. Otherwise they should be criminalised in the same way that incest is!
June 21st, 2009 at 7:16 am
AK are you gay?
I want to stand by you and all because I’m a Muslim too; I was educated in madrassas my entire life in Bombay. But life is just not that simple. A very popular imam in one of our masjids had a flaming gay son; and he stood by him. Because we all really respected this imam we stood by him too. I’m sure the imam privately lamented his son’s desires. But as a father he stood by him. And we respected him all the more for it.
But Brother, your obsession with this point is just not making sense. Unless you are trying to repress something “disgusting” within yourself. Frankly, we as Muslims have much larger issues facing us than what we think about “10%” of the population.
I agree with Farrah; I too have known a few gay muslims who were torn up about the conflict they perceived with their faith. It wasn’t exactly an issue of “sexual perversion” with them - it was romantic love too. They wanted to have families with men (these were men), they wanted to have romantic relationships with men, to have husbands. It wasn’t just an issue of controlling their libidos.
You are obviously so intelligent and a master of the pen. Use that for good use, man! We need people like you writing about issues that actually matter to the community - racism, poverty. Issues that are actually ruining the quality of life for the ummati. In this blog alone there were a couple of comments made against Muslims. And other than “Farrah” I didn’t really sense that anyone was too bothered by that. THAT is problematic - that racism against Muslims is so common that it doesn’t get noticed on the radar. If this were any other oppressed group that were being discussed - African Americans, Jews - red flags would go up. But that’s not the case for anti-Muslim racism. Use your intelligence towards that cause! I’m asking you as your fellow Muslim. Masha’allah you are clearly so intelligent.
Asalaamalaikum.
June 21st, 2009 at 8:18 am
“Abdul Hannan”,
First of all, congratulations on the most childish and intellectually-bankrupt argument on this thread. Accusing me of being gay and trying to misdirect the discussion is no way to prove a point. So no, I am not “gay” and my arguments on this thread against homosexuality represent none of what you have alluded to. There is a reason why I focus on homosexuality, and it is NOT because of homosexuality itself or because of some “obsession”!
Society operates on a sliding scale of morality and homosexuality is just ONE shocking example of this. There are many other crimes which can exemplify this point, but for the sake of this article, I have maintained a focus on homosexuality - and it serves my point well.
Secularism argues that society can be left to its own devices and that it can judge the course of its own actions without any moral guidance from above - and in doing so, society has consistently slid into chaos. Notions such as “freedom of sexuality” and the freedom to do whatever we desire are the primary reasons of our society’s decay. Whether its homosexuality, incest, discrimination against women or racism - all of these stem from the same root; disobedience and lack of adherence to an objective “Gold standard”. Whether you are an orthodox Christian, Jew or a Muslim - there is no disagreement on this. People will forever claim justification for their actions when left to their desires/rationality and so we cannot rely on this.
The reason why I used incest as an example is because:
a) The remaining shred of morality left in secular society is strong enough to repel incest to condemn it.
b) The two have striking similarities and it is worth noting that the justifications for homosexuality can easily be applied to incest - as long as the medical objections can be countered (vasectomy, safe sex, etc).
Since I cannot use religious arguments against homosexuality when speaking to atheists, I have reverted to this rational comparison in order to highlight my point. No one on this thread has yet replied back with a rebuttal that can prove that homosexuality is any different from incest. This again proves my point that unless we stamp out homosexuality today, then we will be forever plagued with a host of other disgusting practices as an extension of the same liberalist attitude.
June 21st, 2009 at 8:19 am
Abdul Hannan, believe me when I say this is not the only issue that concerns me in society. We are all capable of multi-tasking, and this discussion is just one of them. I write and post articles/blogs on many issues concerning issues in the community, current affairs and politics, and I am an activist with charities and organisations. There is no reason for me to stop condemning homosexuality just because there are other issues in life to deal with. They ALL require attention.
As for dealing with homosexual individuals; I have time and time again stated quite clearly that if a homosexual person sincerely wanted to repel their homosexual “tendencies”, then I would be quite happy to help/advise them. I am not homophobic towards the individual, believe it or not. They need to be helped, and as part of this effort we as a society need to remove this “acceptance” of homosexuality so that it not considered to be a norm by homosexuals. They wi
As for the Imam who “stood by his son’s homosexuality”; do you mean that he eventually accepted this homosexuality? Or that he was merely being patient in the hope that his son would eventually return to the normal path of heterosexuality? There can be no acceptance of homosexuality, and hence the only stance that the Imam should’ve taken is to advise his son and try to bring him back away from homosexuality and that he should consistently warn his son against such a practice. His son chose the homosexual lifestyle and needs to be guided back. There is nothing respectful about a man who accepts immorality in his family; in fact, it’s a glaring example of weakness in his faith.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:23 am
AK …………..GET A LIFE
July 15th, 2009 at 10:38 am
AK……..GET A LIFE
By reading all this proves that you are the biggest saddo. stop argueing with people, its really not going to change anything!!!
you must be really miserable and dont have anything better to do than to cause misery on this website.
i have actually seen alot of people trying to get on with their lives and which you call a so called “right path” doesn’t work at all, just to make their families happy and to maintain “respect” actually destroys that person. it is hard and i see it in my day to day life, nobody actually wants to be gay or just say i want to chose this way of living ………..you cant help what you feel.
So you know what just give it a rest. Let God be the judge of everything and not you.