NOT Coming to America
Posted on 03 December 2008 by Kia Abdullah
After a disastrous wedding and a disastrous start to her honeymoon, Kia explains why she’s not braving the ‘home of the brave’ anytime soon…
It was meant to be a small but classy wedding; 100 guests at a local venue enjoying a carefully selected menu from Gulshan Iqbal. As I stood there in my stunning lengha (which would surely have upstaged me had it not been for Rupali Kotecha, my wonderful makeup artist), I was oblivious to the chaos that would ensue.
The car didn’t turn up so I rolled up at the hall in a neighbour’s run-around instead. Most brides would be screaming blue murder at this point but my mantra has always been ‘Keep me fed, keep me warm and I’m happy’. As long as the food was good, I’d be okay.
Of course, once I sat down and warmed up, I was told that there was no food. One person said the caterers had taken the food to the wrong venue while another said they forgot to book it in with their kitchen. All I knew was that guests were getting hungrier and angrier by the minute. Even my own sisters contemplated popping to the local KFC to appease their starving kids. Eventually, about three hours late, the food arrived and the guests got stuck in.
Of course, we then discovered that they hadn’t provided us with the 125 guests’ worth of vegetable dish. Which would have been okay if the bride wasn’t a vegetarian. With my grumbling stomach, I let the day unfold and focused on only one thing: the honeymoon.
We had planned the perfect getaway; 10 nights in a sun-drenched villa by the stunning beaches of Tulum, Mexico. Of course, following in the vein of the wedding, instead of a perfect start to the perfect honeymoon, we were detained by US custom in New York, missed our flight to Mexico, and got off to a completely sour start.
After arriving in New York on a Tuesday evening, we went through the standard, but rather totalitarian, fingerprint-and-photo process. We were then directed to a room, the officer quite candidly telling my husband that ‘With a name like Khan, you can forget about it’. I assume ‘it’ referred to a civil and unbiased reception to the US.
I was separated from my husband and told to wait because he needed to ‘answer some questions’. Ten minutes passed and turned into twenty. When I asked how long he would be held, a customs officer simply said, ‘I’m not there so I don’t know’.
As a result, we missed our flight to Mexico and had to stay a night in New York, essentially shaving a day off our supposedly perfect honeymoon.
My husband later told me that he had been kept waiting 35 minutes before being seen. He was asked a selection of questions - the answers to which were not checked or verified, hence rendering the whole exercise pointless - and released without an apology. I had heard stories from friends and acquaintances about their treatment at the hands of US customs but experiencing it first hand made me understand why people develop so much ill feeling towards the US.
Perhaps this type of discrimination is necessary post-9/11 but if US customs insist on it, they should make the process as efficient as possible. They should provide a transparent set of criteria used to categorise visitors (more specific than the current ‘variety of reasons’); they should process detainees quickly and effectively; they should cross-check answers so to pick up on lies without relying on anomalous factors such as body language; and finally, they should learn how to apologise.
Most people acknowledge that the US needs to change if it is to improve international relations. Perhaps with the inauguration of Barack Obama, some of the promised change will come. His election has gone some way to prove that it’s ok to look a bit different and have a name that sounds a bit different; that the US will still accept you. However, until that acceptance is extended to all of us, my advice to anyone who looks and sounds different is to steer clear of the US.
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December 3rd, 2008 at 9:46 am
Hi Kia..
A nice easy read!
I haven’t been to US or any part of America before but i agree somewhat with what your article proposes.
It cements the thought that although all these promises are made and rules are put into place, it’s another thing seeing them being adhered to! This goes for everyday life too!
Look forward to your future articles.
A x
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
Hey Kia,
I had the perfect wedding and it turned into the worst marraige, maybe its a great sign. Can we see photo’s anywhere. You must have looked stunning. American immigration is a bitch. My friend now plans his detention when he flyes, he was born in pakistan.
You must have looked beautiful, what color did you wear?
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Hi
As to the USA problem - im sure you expected it? My sister has a similar problem when she went Florida. I think we should just avoid USA full stop. Cos they wont do anything to improve access and airport staff will continute to get more rude as media make all Muslims look like tERRORist.
As to the wedding going wrong… for a wedding with 125 people… one would expect better management.. (y not go to one of those wedding services) they would of got the car for you, got the stage and deco ready for you and also get the food ready for you.. all for a small 14-18 pound per head. Thats around what… 2k max? Considering asian weddings attract 700 guests on average and food/venue costs thousands. You should of made the mose of the small number of guests and gone to a good wedding service. You could of had a FAB wedding
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Having a wedding planner doesnt change things from going wrong. There are a number of weddings that have gone wrong, with an army of planners.
14-18 pounds per head, that is just nasty. what kind of cheap food is that.
Anyway Kia, at the least you have a story to tell the kids.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
When i went to the USA me and my borther both were stopped, they said we had names of terrorists, Lucky i managed to talk about girls and clubing etc and make it into a friendly conversation while i was being questioned.. however my brother was kept over two hours for questioning and said it was a random stop i thought yeah right..
Even the UK MP Shaid Malik got stopped in USA.. the problem is we don’t say anything to our goverment to sort this out..
When the Indian MP got stopped in USA they stripped him, when he was aloud to go into America he said he did not want to go anymore and turned back due to what had happened.
He told the USA if anyone of you guys come to India you will get a nice warm treatment.. when some Improtant people from USA went to india they were stripped and their cloths were ripped and they were told you might be hiding something in them.. after the insualted them they told them you can go into india..
After that date the people with indian passports don’t get harrased much as all.. i think we need to start doing that to the USA when they come to the UK (i wish if only) lol
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Hi guys,
Thanks for the comments.
> Amrita
You’re right. The rules and codes of etiquette exist but they are ignored by staff on the ground. I could have handled the whole thing better if we were treated with a bit of courtesy. I felt really powerless because I thought if I kicked up a fuss, it would only aggravate them and they would keep us for longer.
> Salma
Thanks for the comment. I haven’t posted photos anywhere I’m afraid. To be honest, I probably look miserable in all of them what with the empty stomach and all (trust me, I can turn into a monster when cold and/or hungry). As for planning detention, that’s a good idea though I still wouldn’t risk getting a connecting flight out of the US. If you’re visiting the US, the most you lose is a few hours; if you’re getting another flight, however, it can totally mess up your plans.
> J
I knew customs might be a problem but I didn’t think they would be so inefficient, so rude or so blase about us missing our flight.
As for the wedding, the best of wedding planners couldn’t match my organisational skills (think Monica Gellar on speed). Like Tick_Tack said, it wasn’t the organisation that failed, it was the individual services. Gulshan Iqbal had a good reputation but they let us down big time. They offered us
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Great article Kia. Congratulations on the wedding, and I’m sorry to hear about what happened on that frantic day! I suppose it has got to that point now that when we hear about Asian weddings, we have to pretty much prepare for the worst.
As for travelling to the US.. I’ve been meaning to go for a while now. Due to the nature of my work (free-lance journalism), I’ve wanted to travel over there to see if I could get my hands on some work after graduation. But it’s these stories that scare the be-jesus out of me. I do wish that things will change over time. We’ll let time decide eh?
Robi
December 4th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Congratulations on the wedding, hope you’ve forgotten this terrible experience by now and live happily ever after!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I just happened along on this article. We am an American’s (born in the USA) and our last name is Johnson. My husband gets stopped every time he returns to the US because his name is also “on the list”. It has caused us to also miss connecting flights. If you are detained, it is the same for everyone. Americans born and bred included. Your treatment was no different than ours.
I was sorry to hear about all your wedding plans running amiss. I agree the food place should have given you more than the 250. They should have given you the food for their cost only.
December 6th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
LOL tops to u for naming and shaming the catering company.
December 8th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I think you should change it or you could get done for Libel etc.. Why not edit and ammend it too.. err.. Pride of Asia?
December 12th, 2008 at 10:48 am
@ Chuddy Monkey
Kia’s a journo so I’m sure she knows what she’s doing (ie. the laws and ethics of journalism). I work in publishing and as long as Kia isn’t making any false claims (I’m sure she’s not) no-one can do anything. She’s just telling it as it is.
December 30th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I’m glad that you named and shamed the catering company too. One of the weddings I went to recently was catered by Gulshan Iqbal and the salad turned up three hours late. I know that’s hardly comparable to Kia’s situation but even so, wedding catering is so bloody important - even the smallest screwup has a big effect.
Congrats Kia. I hope married life is treating you well!