Talking Taboos

Categorized | Lifestyle

Posted on 03 October 2008 by Kia Abdullah

Taboo

If taboo subjects were discussed more openly, maybe we’d realise that words are just words with no power to cause harm.

I’ve watched porn and I’ve enjoyed it.

Is that disgusting? Is it shocking? Perhaps you think it’s uncouth or just a bit trashy. Maybe you’re asking, “How could she admit that in public?” or perhaps you’re thinking, “Yeah? And? It’s my favourite past-time”.

I suspect that only a minority will have the last reaction. You see, respectful Asian women (and men) are not meant to talk about sex and we’re certainly not meant to talk about porn. We’re not meant to talk about homosexuality or rape or child abuse or domestic violence because it might upset the delicate sensibilities of our community. We’re meant to reign in what we say, write and even think for fear of offending someone close to home.

As a writer, I depend on freedom of speech; my freedom to write and express whatever I want. I understand and sometimes empathise with those at the burnt end of the freedom-of-speech debate (like in the Danish cartoons fiasco) but more often than not, I wish we could understand that others have a right to offend us. Twenty years after the publication of Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses, the publication of Sherry Jones’s The Jewel of Medina (a fictionalised account of Prophet Muhammad’s relationship with his young wife Aisha) has been impeded by both over-zealous self-censorship and an attack on Gibson Square, the independent publishers that decided to publish the book.

This comes a year after a group of Brick Lane occupants threatened to burn copies of Monica Ali’s novel, Brick Lane, because of its negative portrayal of the Bangladeshi community. I know that many mainstream journalists and non-Asian readers took the book as gospel but that just highlights their ignorance. Do we really have to break out the effigies over this type of misunderstanding? Ali, Jones and other novelists should be able to write what they want as long as they make it clear that their work is fiction.

I will admit that the freedom-of-speech and right-to-offend debates are tricky. When a piece of work is deliberately designed to provoke, it is difficult not to get angry, but we need to remember that they’re just expressions. Is the inability to handle offensive books linked to the Asian community’s reluctance to talk openly about subjects that are deemed wrong, bad or impolite?

After the publication of my book, Life, Love and Assimilation, I received a slew of emails lambasting me for the sex scenes. Some questioned how I could call myself a Muslim while others said they would understand if my parents disowned me. This reaction completely dismayed me. I thought that second generation Asians would be more open and accepting towards potentially offensive literature.

This leads me to question whether our children will inherit our hang-ups or if we can cultivate a healthier attitude towards sex and other taboo subjects. I’m not saying we should peruse Page 3 with our children, but if we allowed them to talk more openly, maybe they would understand that words are just words and that they can’t hurt us as individuals or as a community. If we were more open about taboos, perhaps we would be in a better position to handle the words that really have the power to offend.

(12 votes. Average: 3.92 out of 5)

27 Comments For This Post

Ladybird Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
Kia, this is a powerful article, love it. I look forward to the responses.

I am still on the fence about such things as I do worry that me speaking about naughty things out loud could cause a backlash that I can’t handle and I don’t think I’m ready to be classed as a S.L.A.G. (sexually liberated asian girl!)
But Should we not be open to discuss issues regarding personal health and safety over it’s ethics? e.g If a muslim family starts discussing the dangers of unprotected sex to their adult kids as oppossed to talking about how haram pre-maritual sex is, do the parents look bad because it makes them look like they accept that their kids are doing it before marriage or is it that the parents are indeed protecting the kids from the real dangers that relate to the ‘what’s done is done’. Same goes with a homosexual member of the family, and with issues of abuses, etc. These things are so important and we should do more to remove them from the realm of Taboo.

However, can we be so open about pervertism? I mean I can have a laugh and a giggle about the naughty things I’ve seen with my confidants, but it’s not so tasteful, or even necessary/ appropriate to share Page 3 articles with my brothers over the dining table or with anyone really.

Then the issue of offence, surely as much one has the right to offend, one has the right to feel offended, albeit with all ignorances acknowledged. How can you ask someone to take a derogetary (typo) comment about their sacred religion with a pinch of salt and laugh? hey, it’s blasphemy!
But then on the other hand, re. Brick Lane, you don’t see affergies of the Producers of Eastenders being put on fire, just because of all the scandals being protrayed of the Ends. Because that is culture, man made, could even be true. Brick Lane had a random twist in it, aside from creating new fantasies of becoming a home machinist and waiting for my next delivery, lol, if we are honest, there are bigger scandals that actually do occur within our communities and everyone else’s. So what if it was based in the Bengali community this time, I wouldn’t exactly call Bollywood as family entertainment anymore, so being hit with a random steam room session is something I’m sure we’re all used to, hence the remote is at hand, lol.

You have to be quite a strong willed person who can take the backlash if you are going to write something that is bound to offend…

In a nutshell, Firstly, I think we should do more to remove the important issues of health and safety from the realm of taboo. Then fictional literature in relation to taboos regarding, sex, community scandals and moreso religion will enevitably (most probably deliberatly) cause contreversy, as I do not agree that one should be made to understand that it is in the name of entertainment, it would be upto the writer whether they are ready to stand by their statements and face the backlash.
qwazi Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
i enjoyed ladybirds posts more than the article. she brings up good points and makes a fair assessment.

you should consider writing for ID, youre better than some already on here.

the article on the other hand wasnt as entertaining, it doesnt really go anywhere aside from stating the obvious.

we have ideas and understandings of whats appropriate to speak/write and whats not and for what audience. because if we didnt we’d end up hating each other and society would go down the pan since there would be no limits.

there has to be limits and borders.
Fahmida Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” - realistically it doesn’t work like that. Wounds eventually heal but words leave an everlasting mental scar. In my opinion criticism of religion is best left out of the debate on freedom of speech.

I don’t see the need for parents to talk openly about sex to their children. Our education system equips us with the knowledge of unprotected sex and its repercussions, our social circles provide forums for discussion so why the need to involve our parents (or even when we become parents ourselves) and shatter the veil of mutual respect.
Asim Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
One has to commend such an open an honest article.

>You see, respectful Asian women (and men) are not meant to talk about sex and we’re certainly not meant to talk about porn.

Porn in general is a taboo subject, regardless of ethnic background. The oxymoronic nature of this is highly evident considering how big the sex entertainment industry is worldwide. That said however, for decency purposes, it’s not always appropriate to talk about things even though it happens and/or it is universally accepted (e.g. how many men shave their pubic hairs on their scrotum? I mean WTF! that’s a shocking and nasty thing to put in words, and in reality is not really needed).

>Is the inability to handle offensive books linked to the Asian community’s reluctance to talk openly about subjects that are deemed wrong, bad or impolite?

It’s difficult not to be provoked by having ones values and belief stepped upon. Human nature is such that we will react in a negative manner. Many people hold the last prophet of Islam at an extremely high esteem (re: The Jewel of Medina). Turning the tables, if someone was to insult a relative who you hold very dear, you would, without hesitation, react and bash out. It’s a natural reaction.
Muffin Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I enjoy a bit of soft porn now and then.. ;o)
AK Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Kia I emailed you about your book and asked how did your parents take it, or rather how you handled the family take on your book. The question was largely asked to see how you handled such a situation given your family background. I cared very little that the book had sexual content. Think it’s a bit judgmental that you should label the ‘young asians’ of today as closed minded.

Anyway, found it a bit weird you did not reply.
Kadija Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Qwazi that is such a sterotypical asian thing to do, put people down to boost someone up. her comment, was ok, but it wasnt that great.

God, you seem like someone who needs to get laid, sorry there I go again, stating the obvious.

Yes there needs to be borders and limits but from the incidents stated; fires / hate mail / violence - it is these people who have defined borders and limits that cause all this bad shit.

We are intelligent human beings, we should use common sense to work out what is best, and evolve with the environment surrounding us.
adam Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Absolutely the best article i’ve read on insidedesi so far. I’m dying to know more about this kia abdullah person now! Indeed this page only scratches the surface of a topic needing to be dived into.

I hope you write more on the topic.

A new fan,
Adam
Amrita Tanna Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Hey Kia…

A very interesting topic… which brings up a lot of questions and forces you to think…

Being from a traditional Indian background, i find it sometimes quite uncomfortable even watching a kissing scene on the tv with my parents/grandparents around… i dont quite know why, i guess it probably has a little to do with my upbringing and a lot to do with our community’s openness (or lack of it) about these kinds of issues.

I am firmly of the belief that “words are just words and can’t hurt us”… but again, it depends on how every individual looks upon this. This probably can be linked with swearing.. i dont see swearing as an open subject in the previous generations but i think with the current and forthcoming generations, people find it increasingly easy to understand they are just words and are often just said to indicate a certain level of anger or rage.

I look forward to your forthcoming articles!

A
Abz Hussain Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Although I agree with most of your sentiments..it is part of our religion to oppose anything derogatory of the Prophet Muhammad [SAW]. Had she wrote a non-fictional piece based upon authentic Hadith of the Prophet’s love for his wife Ai’sha [RAW], which does portray the Prophet as highly romantic, then that would have got a better response. However, making fictional stories about Islam’s most holiest Prophet is being offensive!
frank Jones Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 3:23 am
“Life is like a box of chocolates!”

Many people have different views and that’s why humans are so unique say compared to ants or computers. Any way’s there is a limit to everything.

Yes a lot of people have seen porn and most likely enjoyed it (myself included ;-) lol), and yes a lot of people have had sex pre marriage, and go out clubbing on a regular basis and have enjoyed the odd drink in their lives.

But that is one’s own sins and one that should not be discussed in open. (Night covers the day malarkey) As that is when it becomes a social norm and readily acceptable in society. (First open discussion > acceptance > belief that its alrite > than everyone tries or isn’t worried about trying ass there is social acceptance)

Look at gays. (Ohh did I say that?) Once they were banished in time and out casted by all (as if everyone was gay than there would be no children of tomorrow)But since they took over the media and popularised gayism, more and more people have readily come to accept it and the numbers of gays have increased substantially. which is everyone’s own business in “PRIVATE” (key word, as everyone is judged for their own sins) but when they teach in schools and portray on TV that being gay isn’t wrong and its cool.

Than that when this freedom of speech goes too far. As then they corrupt all those young kids who watch TV and are readily moulded by TV and school. Let’s say in the future everyone starts to think that there is nothing wrong with being a paedophile. And then everyone starts practising that openly, god forbid. Then where will this freedom of speech have done?

Anyways sorry for that long ass jabber but it’s just my opinions and they may be a lil hardcore but didn’t mean to offend anyone. As there are a lot of people who get offended by people easily. But all I am trying to say is there are some things in life you talk about openly and something’s you don’t. As otherwise society will go to the shits (today - more marriages breaking up, more families being split, more kids openly taking drugs be that alcohol or hardcore ones, more kids having pre marriage sex (again due to TV making everyone horny lil B*starts) more people getting aids more gays etc etc etc, all since freedom of speech came about.)

So next time when you talk about freedom of speech and taboo subjects think about what could happen as a result and who you are talking to, as in media you need to be responsible. As a lot people are stupid, and got no opinion of their own and will start believing what your talking, go about changing their lives around it.

Anyway sinning is meant to be done in private and not openly discussed, as thats when they become norms however way you may look at it.
Ladybird Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Thanks Qwasi, I was keen to hear what people had to say on this topic, from both ends of the spectrum.

However, Kia’s article, like all her written work, is brilliant, both unique and captivating.

Political correctness has come a long way, it has seen itself being adjusted with the times, are we right to stamp out taboo more than is necessary or should this be something that’s left to evolution to eliminate?

Anyways, apparently I’ve got a bush so big, I can hide in it. I’m off to shave it, lol, ciao..
asian Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I dont like gays, i think its an unnatural state and believe that it is a mental disorder. Since the popularisation of gays in the media, there seems to have been an increase in the number of them. Now is this because more gays have decide its ok to reveal their true sexual preferences or is it because its a fad or fashion statement now, its cool to be gay?

is my above statement offensive? or should i be allowed to air this view in general public without negative retaliation?

Kadija
qwazi Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am
kadija

the majority of people want to lead a quiet stress free existence, so they avoid clashes. and to do this there has to
be certain limits and boundaries people adhere to to keep the peace.
seems its the minority of ‘free spirits’ who always want to talk about things and cause a stir, and not to make changes
but just to be noticed.

I have no issues about people writing about things that need to be written about and addressed like child abuse, sexual abuse, torture, war, genocide etc

but when people are going on about how theyre picked on because theyre new novel is being slated by the majority conservatives for its sex scenes,
they just need to deal with it and shut up.

and your post, kadija, was rather bland and pointless too. i dont know where your ‘get laid’ comment came from,
maybe ur just thinking about sex alot these days? yeh?
i think you need to get laid.
Virginia Applebottom Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Asians will soon have to start wearing Purity Rings..why? Because they’ve all been around the block.. what’s the point? How can you leave a comment on this blog if your not a virgin?
Steve Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I think this article misses the point because the majority of Muslims are not opposed to the Jewel of Medina because of it’s sex scenes. They are opposed to it because it is insulting to the Prophet Muhammed in the same way that the majority of Muslims were opposed to Satanic Verses. Insulting the Prophet Muhammad is not tolerated in Islam at least not by those that consider themselves Muslims. It is regrettable that there are those willing to use violence to make clear their opposition. However we should not allow extremists to hijack the debate. There are certain things that are sacred in life. For Muslims it is the Prophet Muhammad.
Aleesha Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I completely agree with frank Jones’ comment above. If you start discussing taboo topics openly, introducing them to the next generation as being perfectly normal then it no longer remains taboo. It becomes the norm. And certain topics are taboo for a reason…they should be kept that way….taboo!
Muslim lad Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
In response to taboo and pornography - I dont see the point. How will discussing pornography with our parents make the Asian community better. If anything, as a Muslim I believe pornography to be haram - making or watching it. So why should we encourage it by discussing it. Even if someone is watching it why should it be discussed? Why does that have to be a taboo issue.

I really do not see the point of this article - watching pornography or the lack of discussing it. I find it hard to believe that its an issue that needs urgent attention or response in the Asian Community.

I don’t know what makes you think words CANNOT harm. Sometimes words cause more harm than anything else in the world. For example, I would rather some one punch me in the face with a nail than to hear lies about our beloved Prophet (PBUH) in the name of ‘freedom of speech’ and ‘fiction’. Kia I do not know how you feel about our Prophet or what you know about his life but maybe you will right a book correcting Sherry Jone’s novel?

It upsets me to see money/fame hungry journalists/polititians use ‘freedom of speech’ to insult Islam, because they know it will give them attention. I don’t know who made the rule that ‘its okay if it a work of fiction or freedom of speech’. Maybe one should be allowed to write their own version of the Quran…as long as its a work of fiction it should be fine right? Or maybe one should wright a book about how Hitler was a good man? Let’s see how well that goes? Kia, you say you were offended by the Danish cartoons - why? If Jone’s novel is okay, whats wrong with the cartoons? After all, the cartoons are also a work of fiction and not true.

My personal oppinion is that there are a lot of problems in our communities and they are all due to culture and not religion. I know that Islam for me answers all the questions/problems the Asian community has including child abuse. Islam/Our Prophet and Muslims get a lot of stick for the issue of Ayisha. My question is - are you* ashamed that our Prophet married a young girl? If you are then you* are not a Muslim. Maybe you* want to find out why he married some one so young?
(*not just Kia personally but all Muslims)

I believe Islam is perfect. Unfortunately some Muslims are not.
qwazi Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Muslim Lad, its not really about Islam, so stop trying to make it about it. it doesnt help.
pinkpetal Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 4:22 am
It may not be about Islam but its easy to see why one would think it is…
It is beyond disgusting that one dares to write fiction about our beloved prophet (PBUH)- this is not some silly game you play were you say anything and see how far you can go (about making up things about any religious figure). It is highly offensive,its wrong and the people who speak against religion (seems to be mostly Islam these days) or make up fiction about our beloved prophet (PBUH) are treading where they should not. Jewel Of Medina should never have been published. Our prophets life was not for entertainment.
On things like sex and drugs and things all I can say is I completely agree with frank jones so i cant add anything new here…except perhaps the biggest taboo of all is unrequited love. No1 talks about it yet it is something that when it happens to you if you’re unfortunate enough it breaks you and you need guidance on how to deal with it but no1 speaks of it. You just carry on with ur silent tears.
Muslim lad Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Qwazi, how can this not be about Islam when Kia is suggesting its okay for Sherry Jone’s to write a novel lying about our Prophet’s (PBUH) life as long its ‘a work of fiction’?

Who decided that Freedom of Speech/Expression is the most important value in our society? If it was, then why was Prince Harry slammed for wearing a Nazi uniform? Isnt that freedom of expression?

I think total freedom of speech/expression is bad for any society. I think its unacceptable that people use freedom of speech to clearly insult and anger Muslims. Lets be honest, Sherry Jone’s knew what it would create a storm, especially during the current image and position of Muslims and Islam in UK and worldwide.

What happened to respect for other peoples religion and feelings? Maybe this is what our society needs right now. Not freedom to run your mouth/words at will.
pinkpetal Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
got to say i agree with muslim lad. And i applaud him for standing up for our religion too.
aleesha Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Ditto, completely agree with muslim lad.
IBM Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 5:11 am
I applaud the fact that you have the balls to write articles such as this. Keep it up chick… you can’t win em all.

Though you may not always make sense, and I don’t agree with the jist of this article - badly thought out. It’s not that the rest of society is progressive and open-minded. It’s that they just don’t care. They hold nothing SACRED anymore. Except the right to offend it seems.

I don’t think ’society at large’ will be happy until Muslims stop caring about or cherishing our religion as we have always done… only then will we be in the cool gang and accepted. Kia.. you’re with the cool gang thus very few Muslims are gonna care about what you have to say. There is something at the core of Islam which is very uncompromising. It’s a great source of strength.

I don’t think Muslims should respond to these situations with violence nor do I think that we should accept this stuff with open arms.It’s about finding some kind of balance in our response.

Muslims hold their Values, their religion and their culture as sacred still. Long may it continue. I just hope we can produce a generation that are able to articulate themselve with means other than violence and threats.
Muslim lad Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Thank you for your support Pinkpatel and Aleesha.

Thank you also IBM. You have an artistic and true way of looking at things. Nice. I agree with your ‘cool gang theory’. It seems that we are only considered forward-thinking and open-minded if we are ready to compromise our religious beliefs.

I agree with IBM on not being violent. Thus, I believe that people should have the right to question Islam without fear of violence but not to clearly insult Islam.
frank Jones Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
The thing is at the end of the day people should have common sense when writing or talking public. As this article proves the writer did not think about what she was writing about. But merely wrote something on a whim…maybe due to deadlines etc. It’s just an opinion of someone really, and someone that isn’t really too bright whatever the CV may say.

As I could write an article on something ludicrous like….break the shackles of humanity to progress as a society. Where the main jist of the story would be we should indiscriminately kill those who do wrong, steal etc without looking at circumstance of the crime or if they are innocent for society as whole to progress. Yes parts of the article would be very interesting but at the end of the day it doesn’t mean jack.
Ahmed Says:
January 30th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I agree with this article, maybe we should discuss these things with our kids DISCREETLY to prevent them from being too frustrated and to respect girls more. I’ve never heard my parents talk about sex, it’s like it doesn’t exist. And yes I think that a lot of muslims over-react to certain things, yet their silent over suicide bombings, honour killings and denial of sex. I’m not saying that we should watch sex scenes with our kids but we should aknowledge that it exisst so that the kids understand it well and deal with it properly.

Ladybird Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am

Kia, this is a powerful article, love it. I look forward to the responses.

I am still on the fence about such things as I do worry that me speaking about naughty things out loud could cause a backlash that I can’t handle and I don’t think I’m ready to be classed as a S.L.A.G. (sexually liberated asian girl!)
But Should we not be open to discuss issues regarding personal health and safety over it’s ethics? e.g If a muslim family starts discussing the dangers of unprotected sex to their adult kids as oppossed to talking about how haram pre-maritual sex is, do the parents look bad because it makes them look like they accept that their kids are doing it before marriage or is it that the parents are indeed protecting the kids from the real dangers that relate to the ‘what’s done is done’. Same goes with a homosexual member of the family, and with issues of abuses, etc. These things are so important and we should do more to remove them from the realm of Taboo.

However, can we be so open about pervertism? I mean I can have a laugh and a giggle about the naughty things I’ve seen with my confidants, but it’s not so tasteful, or even necessary/ appropriate to share Page 3 articles with my brothers over the dining table or with anyone really.

Then the issue of offence, surely as much one has the right to offend, one has the right to feel offended, albeit with all ignorances acknowledged. How can you ask someone to take a derogetary (typo) comment about their sacred religion with a pinch of salt and laugh? hey, it’s blasphemy!
But then on the other hand, re. Brick Lane, you don’t see affergies of the Producers of Eastenders being put on fire, just because of all the scandals being protrayed of the Ends. Because that is culture, man made, could even be true. Brick Lane had a random twist in it, aside from creating new fantasies of becoming a home machinist and waiting for my next delivery, lol, if we are honest, there are bigger scandals that actually do occur within our communities and everyone else’s. So what if it was based in the Bengali community this time, I wouldn’t exactly call Bollywood as family entertainment anymore, so being hit with a random steam room session is something I’m sure we’re all used to, hence the remote is at hand, lol.

You have to be quite a strong willed person who can take the backlash if you are going to write something that is bound to offend…

In a nutshell, Firstly, I think we should do more to remove the important issues of health and safety from the realm of taboo. Then fictional literature in relation to taboos regarding, sex, community scandals and moreso religion will enevitably (most probably deliberatly) cause contreversy, as I do not agree that one should be made to understand that it is in the name of entertainment, it would be upto the writer whether they are ready to stand by their statements and face the backlash.

qwazi Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 pm

i enjoyed ladybirds posts more than the article. she brings up good points and makes a fair assessment.

you should consider writing for ID, youre better than some already on here.

the article on the other hand wasnt as entertaining, it doesnt really go anywhere aside from stating the obvious.

we have ideas and understandings of whats appropriate to speak/write and whats not and for what audience. because if we didnt we’d end up hating each other and society would go down the pan since there would be no limits.

there has to be limits and borders.

Fahmida Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” - realistically it doesn’t work like that. Wounds eventually heal but words leave an everlasting mental scar. In my opinion criticism of religion is best left out of the debate on freedom of speech.

I don’t see the need for parents to talk openly about sex to their children. Our education system equips us with the knowledge of unprotected sex and its repercussions, our social circles provide forums for discussion so why the need to involve our parents (or even when we become parents ourselves) and shatter the veil of mutual respect.

Asim Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm

One has to commend such an open an honest article.

>You see, respectful Asian women (and men) are not meant to talk about sex and we’re certainly not meant to talk about porn.

Porn in general is a taboo subject, regardless of ethnic background. The oxymoronic nature of this is highly evident considering how big the sex entertainment industry is worldwide. That said however, for decency purposes, it’s not always appropriate to talk about things even though it happens and/or it is universally accepted (e.g. how many men shave their pubic hairs on their scrotum? I mean WTF! that’s a shocking and nasty thing to put in words, and in reality is not really needed).

>Is the inability to handle offensive books linked to the Asian community’s reluctance to talk openly about subjects that are deemed wrong, bad or impolite?

It’s difficult not to be provoked by having ones values and belief stepped upon. Human nature is such that we will react in a negative manner. Many people hold the last prophet of Islam at an extremely high esteem (re: The Jewel of Medina). Turning the tables, if someone was to insult a relative who you hold very dear, you would, without hesitation, react and bash out. It’s a natural reaction.

Muffin Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm

I enjoy a bit of soft porn now and then.. ;o)

AK Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 pm

Kia I emailed you about your book and asked how did your parents take it, or rather how you handled the family take on your book. The question was largely asked to see how you handled such a situation given your family background. I cared very little that the book had sexual content. Think it’s a bit judgmental that you should label the ‘young asians’ of today as closed minded.

Anyway, found it a bit weird you did not reply.

Kadija Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm

Qwazi that is such a sterotypical asian thing to do, put people down to boost someone up. her comment, was ok, but it wasnt that great.

God, you seem like someone who needs to get laid, sorry there I go again, stating the obvious.

Yes there needs to be borders and limits but from the incidents stated; fires / hate mail / violence - it is these people who have defined borders and limits that cause all this bad shit.

We are intelligent human beings, we should use common sense to work out what is best, and evolve with the environment surrounding us.

adam Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 pm

Absolutely the best article i’ve read on insidedesi so far. I’m dying to know more about this kia abdullah person now! Indeed this page only scratches the surface of a topic needing to be dived into.

I hope you write more on the topic.

A new fan,
Adam

Amrita Tanna Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Hey Kia…

A very interesting topic… which brings up a lot of questions and forces you to think…

Being from a traditional Indian background, i find it sometimes quite uncomfortable even watching a kissing scene on the tv with my parents/grandparents around… i dont quite know why, i guess it probably has a little to do with my upbringing and a lot to do with our community’s openness (or lack of it) about these kinds of issues.

I am firmly of the belief that “words are just words and can’t hurt us”… but again, it depends on how every individual looks upon this. This probably can be linked with swearing.. i dont see swearing as an open subject in the previous generations but i think with the current and forthcoming generations, people find it increasingly easy to understand they are just words and are often just said to indicate a certain level of anger or rage.

I look forward to your forthcoming articles!

Abz Hussain Says:
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 pm

Although I agree with most of your sentiments..it is part of our religion to oppose anything derogatory of the Prophet Muhammad [SAW]. Had she wrote a non-fictional piece based upon authentic Hadith of the Prophet’s love for his wife Ai’sha [RAW], which does portray the Prophet as highly romantic, then that would have got a better response. However, making fictional stories about Islam’s most holiest Prophet is being offensive!

frank Jones Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 3:23 am

“Life is like a box of chocolates!”

Many people have different views and that’s why humans are so unique say compared to ants or computers. Any way’s there is a limit to everything.

Yes a lot of people have seen porn and most likely enjoyed it (myself included ;-) lol), and yes a lot of people have had sex pre marriage, and go out clubbing on a regular basis and have enjoyed the odd drink in their lives.

But that is one’s own sins and one that should not be discussed in open. (Night covers the day malarkey) As that is when it becomes a social norm and readily acceptable in society. (First open discussion > acceptance > belief that its alrite > than everyone tries or isn’t worried about trying ass there is social acceptance)

Look at gays. (Ohh did I say that?) Once they were banished in time and out casted by all (as if everyone was gay than there would be no children of tomorrow)But since they took over the media and popularised gayism, more and more people have readily come to accept it and the numbers of gays have increased substantially. which is everyone’s own business in “PRIVATE” (key word, as everyone is judged for their own sins) but when they teach in schools and portray on TV that being gay isn’t wrong and its cool.

Than that when this freedom of speech goes too far. As then they corrupt all those young kids who watch TV and are readily moulded by TV and school. Let’s say in the future everyone starts to think that there is nothing wrong with being a paedophile. And then everyone starts practising that openly, god forbid. Then where will this freedom of speech have done?

Anyways sorry for that long ass jabber but it’s just my opinions and they may be a lil hardcore but didn’t mean to offend anyone. As there are a lot of people who get offended by people easily. But all I am trying to say is there are some things in life you talk about openly and something’s you don’t. As otherwise society will go to the shits (today - more marriages breaking up, more families being split, more kids openly taking drugs be that alcohol or hardcore ones, more kids having pre marriage sex (again due to TV making everyone horny lil B*starts) more people getting aids more gays etc etc etc, all since freedom of speech came about.)

So next time when you talk about freedom of speech and taboo subjects think about what could happen as a result and who you are talking to, as in media you need to be responsible. As a lot people are stupid, and got no opinion of their own and will start believing what your talking, go about changing their lives around it.

Anyway sinning is meant to be done in private and not openly discussed, as thats when they become norms however way you may look at it.

Ladybird Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am

Thanks Qwasi, I was keen to hear what people had to say on this topic, from both ends of the spectrum.

However, Kia’s article, like all her written work, is brilliant, both unique and captivating.

Political correctness has come a long way, it has seen itself being adjusted with the times, are we right to stamp out taboo more than is necessary or should this be something that’s left to evolution to eliminate?

Anyways, apparently I’ve got a bush so big, I can hide in it. I’m off to shave it, lol, ciao..

asian Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am

I dont like gays, i think its an unnatural state and believe that it is a mental disorder. Since the popularisation of gays in the media, there seems to have been an increase in the number of them. Now is this because more gays have decide its ok to reveal their true sexual preferences or is it because its a fad or fashion statement now, its cool to be gay?

is my above statement offensive? or should i be allowed to air this view in general public without negative retaliation?

Kadija

qwazi Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am

kadija

the majority of people want to lead a quiet stress free existence, so they avoid clashes. and to do this there has to
be certain limits and boundaries people adhere to to keep the peace.
seems its the minority of ‘free spirits’ who always want to talk about things and cause a stir, and not to make changes
but just to be noticed.

I have no issues about people writing about things that need to be written about and addressed like child abuse, sexual abuse, torture, war, genocide etc

but when people are going on about how theyre picked on because theyre new novel is being slated by the majority conservatives for its sex scenes,
they just need to deal with it and shut up.

and your post, kadija, was rather bland and pointless too. i dont know where your ‘get laid’ comment came from,
maybe ur just thinking about sex alot these days? yeh?
i think you need to get laid.

Virginia Applebottom Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 6:37 pm

Asians will soon have to start wearing Purity Rings..why? Because they’ve all been around the block.. what’s the point? How can you leave a comment on this blog if your not a virgin?

Steve Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:47 pm

I think this article misses the point because the majority of Muslims are not opposed to the Jewel of Medina because of it’s sex scenes. They are opposed to it because it is insulting to the Prophet Muhammed in the same way that the majority of Muslims were opposed to Satanic Verses. Insulting the Prophet Muhammad is not tolerated in Islam at least not by those that consider themselves Muslims. It is regrettable that there are those willing to use violence to make clear their opposition. However we should not allow extremists to hijack the debate. There are certain things that are sacred in life. For Muslims it is the Prophet Muhammad.

Aleesha Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm

I completely agree with frank Jones’ comment above. If you start discussing taboo topics openly, introducing them to the next generation as being perfectly normal then it no longer remains taboo. It becomes the norm. And certain topics are taboo for a reason…they should be kept that way….taboo!

Muslim lad Says:
October 4th, 2008 at 11:36 pm

In response to taboo and pornography - I dont see the point. How will discussing pornography with our parents make the Asian community better. If anything, as a Muslim I believe pornography to be haram - making or watching it. So why should we encourage it by discussing it. Even if someone is watching it why should it be discussed? Why does that have to be a taboo issue.

I really do not see the point of this article - watching pornography or the lack of discussing it. I find it hard to believe that its an issue that needs urgent attention or response in the Asian Community.

I don’t know what makes you think words CANNOT harm. Sometimes words cause more harm than anything else in the world. For example, I would rather some one punch me in the face with a nail than to hear lies about our beloved Prophet (PBUH) in the name of ‘freedom of speech’ and ‘fiction’. Kia I do not know how you feel about our Prophet or what you know about his life but maybe you will right a book correcting Sherry Jone’s novel?

It upsets me to see money/fame hungry journalists/polititians use ‘freedom of speech’ to insult Islam, because they know it will give them attention. I don’t know who made the rule that ‘its okay if it a work of fiction or freedom of speech’. Maybe one should be allowed to write their own version of the Quran…as long as its a work of fiction it should be fine right? Or maybe one should wright a book about how Hitler was a good man? Let’s see how well that goes? Kia, you say you were offended by the Danish cartoons - why? If Jone’s novel is okay, whats wrong with the cartoons? After all, the cartoons are also a work of fiction and not true.

My personal oppinion is that there are a lot of problems in our communities and they are all due to culture and not religion. I know that Islam for me answers all the questions/problems the Asian community has including child abuse. Islam/Our Prophet and Muslims get a lot of stick for the issue of Ayisha. My question is - are you* ashamed that our Prophet married a young girl? If you are then you* are not a Muslim. Maybe you* want to find out why he married some one so young?
(*not just Kia personally but all Muslims)

I believe Islam is perfect. Unfortunately some Muslims are not.

qwazi Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 12:48 am

Muslim Lad, its not really about Islam, so stop trying to make it about it. it doesnt help.

pinkpetal Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 4:22 am

It may not be about Islam but its easy to see why one would think it is…
It is beyond disgusting that one dares to write fiction about our beloved prophet (PBUH)- this is not some silly game you play were you say anything and see how far you can go (about making up things about any religious figure). It is highly offensive,its wrong and the people who speak against religion (seems to be mostly Islam these days) or make up fiction about our beloved prophet (PBUH) are treading where they should not. Jewel Of Medina should never have been published. Our prophets life was not for entertainment.
On things like sex and drugs and things all I can say is I completely agree with frank jones so i cant add anything new here…except perhaps the biggest taboo of all is unrequited love. No1 talks about it yet it is something that when it happens to you if you’re unfortunate enough it breaks you and you need guidance on how to deal with it but no1 speaks of it. You just carry on with ur silent tears.

Muslim lad Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 6:46 pm

Qwazi, how can this not be about Islam when Kia is suggesting its okay for Sherry Jone’s to write a novel lying about our Prophet’s (PBUH) life as long its ‘a work of fiction’?

Who decided that Freedom of Speech/Expression is the most important value in our society? If it was, then why was Prince Harry slammed for wearing a Nazi uniform? Isnt that freedom of expression?

I think total freedom of speech/expression is bad for any society. I think its unacceptable that people use freedom of speech to clearly insult and anger Muslims. Lets be honest, Sherry Jone’s knew what it would create a storm, especially during the current image and position of Muslims and Islam in UK and worldwide.

What happened to respect for other peoples religion and feelings? Maybe this is what our society needs right now. Not freedom to run your mouth/words at will.

pinkpetal Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 10:26 pm

got to say i agree with muslim lad. And i applaud him for standing up for our religion too.

aleesha Says:
October 5th, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Ditto, completely agree with muslim lad.

IBM Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 5:11 am

I applaud the fact that you have the balls to write articles such as this. Keep it up chick… you can’t win em all.

Though you may not always make sense, and I don’t agree with the jist of this article - badly thought out. It’s not that the rest of society is progressive and open-minded. It’s that they just don’t care. They hold nothing SACRED anymore. Except the right to offend it seems.

I don’t think ’society at large’ will be happy until Muslims stop caring about or cherishing our religion as we have always done… only then will we be in the cool gang and accepted. Kia.. you’re with the cool gang thus very few Muslims are gonna care about what you have to say. There is something at the core of Islam which is very uncompromising. It’s a great source of strength.

I don’t think Muslims should respond to these situations with violence nor do I think that we should accept this stuff with open arms.It’s about finding some kind of balance in our response.

Muslims hold their Values, their religion and their culture as sacred still. Long may it continue. I just hope we can produce a generation that are able to articulate themselve with means other than violence and threats.

Muslim lad Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am

Thank you for your support Pinkpatel and Aleesha.

Thank you also IBM. You have an artistic and true way of looking at things. Nice. I agree with your ‘cool gang theory’. It seems that we are only considered forward-thinking and open-minded if we are ready to compromise our religious beliefs.

I agree with IBM on not being violent. Thus, I believe that people should have the right to question Islam without fear of violence but not to clearly insult Islam.

frank Jones Says:
October 6th, 2008 at 9:54 pm

The thing is at the end of the day people should have common sense when writing or talking public. As this article proves the writer did not think about what she was writing about. But merely wrote something on a whim…maybe due to deadlines etc. It’s just an opinion of someone really, and someone that isn’t really too bright whatever the CV may say.

As I could write an article on something ludicrous like….break the shackles of humanity to progress as a society. Where the main jist of the story would be we should indiscriminately kill those who do wrong, steal etc without looking at circumstance of the crime or if they are innocent for society as whole to progress. Yes parts of the article would be very interesting but at the end of the day it doesn’t mean jack.

Ahmed Says:
January 30th, 2009 at 10:06 am

I agree with this article, maybe we should discuss these things with our kids DISCREETLY to prevent them from being too frustrated and to respect girls more. I’ve never heard my parents talk about sex, it’s like it doesn’t exist. And yes I think that a lot of muslims over-react to certain things, yet their silent over suicide bombings, honour killings and denial of sex. I’m not saying that we should watch sex scenes with our kids but we should aknowledge that it exisst so that the kids understand it well and deal with it properly.

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