Mother Tongue Tied
Posted on 01 August 2008 by Kia Abdullah
Why are so many of us giving up on the language we were raised with?
“I’m going to come back for them,” I say, pointing to the sandals I had picked out.
The woman at the counter looks at me with disdain.
“Me vapas ayenge,” I venture.
She nods and dismisses me with a wave.
“Thank you,” I say and walk out.
I know what she’s thinking: that I’m one of those second-gen Asians who refuse to speak their mother tongue or, for some reason, pretend they can’t.
The truth is, of course, that I’m Bangladeshi and the woman is Pakistani. I don’t know Urdu very well so I genuinely couldn’t speak in her language. Had she been Bengali, I could have very easily told her that I would be coming back in a few minutes. She is rightfully disdainful though; this refusal to speak in mother tongue seems to be an increasing phenomenon among second-gens.
I’ve seen Bangladeshi girls on the street pretend they don’t speak the language when an elderly Bangladeshi man has stopped them to ask for directions or assistance - even my own sister has admitted to doing this. When I asked her for a reason behind her actions, she simply said, “I didn’t want the hassle”.
One of my friends recently drove his mother to the local council office. When he saw that the girl at the counter was speaking English to his mother who clearly struggled with it, he boldly walked up to the counter and said, “It’s obvious that you’re Bengali. You were chatting in it a moment ago. Have some respect and speak in Bengali with your customers who can’t understand English.” Chastened, the girl turned to his mother and began to speak in her mother tongue.
While I would never be so bold to rebuke someone over this issue, I do share his annoyance. I understand that we are British - I’m the first person to celebrate the freedoms afforded to me by western society - but refusing to speak in your mother tongue when the situation calls for it borders on perfidy.
English is very important to me: I couldn’t marry a guy who couldn’t speak it, whether he was a guy straight from the villages of Bangladesh or an Italian studmuffin; I think in English and choose to communicate in it with friends and much of my family, but when the situation calls for it, I have no problem switching to my mother tongue. Why is it that an increasing amount of us do? When the elder generation has given us so much, why do we display such acts of disrespect?
Is it somehow uncool to speak an Asian language? Does it not tally with modern ideas about progression and integration? Surely we can integrate without turning our backs on what makes us us.
Some will say they feel embarrassed conversing in mother tongue because they genuinely can’t speak it very well. Sadly, I suspect this is a problem that will rise. As third-gens grow up hearing their parents speak English, their ability to speak the Asian languages is likely to dissipate. My 5-year-old niece, for example, cannot speak Bengali because she hears her mother and three elder siblings conversing mainly in English. I can see the same thing happening to many other youngsters.
You might ask if this is really that important: we live in an English-speaking country and our children can speak one of the most popular languages in the world - who cares if they can’t converse in our mother tongue? You might be right, but I can’t help but feel that we’re giving up a part of our identity. Yes, traditional eastern culture has a lot of things wrong with it but in denying those, we shouldn’t give up on the things that actually add colour and value to our lives.
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August 1st, 2008 at 11:56 am
Love it, Kia. I feel very strongly about the language issue; it’s what we fought so hard to keep, and now we’re losing it. Sad.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Sad, but so true.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
The language is so closely tied with our culture and history. Losing the language would result in losing ourselves.
August 1st, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Great read Kia, I couldnt agree with you more. What I find as, if not more alarming is the number of bengali kids who refuse to speak bengali even with their parents because for somereason they think its not “cool” but will happily converse with their friends in urdu.
August 1st, 2008 at 7:17 pm
they are losing it because they want to be more western.
sad but so true.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I have to confess that I cannot speak punjabi to the fullest. I tried once to speak to a asian customer in Punjabi…do u know what she said?
She said ‘WHAT’? haha i was actually taken aback.
I think it is sad, Ive never heard of the one about people faking that they cannot speak their language…ask them to come and swap with me I’d gladly like to speak Punjabi and Urdu to impress old folk.
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 am
I just find it easier to talk in English rather than my mother tongue because I’m not fluent in it. It’s more out of embarassment than because I think it’s not cool. If I could I would but I can’t and anyway languages have never been my strong point. But in fairness I don’t really think it’s that much of an issue. I agree it’s a link to your heritage but it’s only one aspect and just because you can’t speak a language doesn’t mean you’re losing your identity. Maybe it just means your identity is evolving and not necessarily for the worse.
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:20 am
The experience of culture is made richer when one can understand the language.
Translation loses the poetry and beauty that South Asian languages have in abundance. Bangla, Urdu, Hindi words have so many meanings, its cheating ourselves more than anything else.
I strongly disagree with this type of assimilation (loss of mother tongue) into ‘one identity’ (British). We will always be British Asian.
Being multi-national has many complexities associated with identity, but as you said Kia, we have the option to make our lives richer. People with one national upbringing do not have this choice, so we are at an advantage in some regards. I independently taught myself to read and write my mother tongue, because although it’s not spoken at home - it is a strong part of who I am, and I want to be able to pass this more fluidly to my children.
I really enjoyed this article.
Fatema x x x x
August 3rd, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Hey this is an awesome piece of writing.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
The article is ok. Its not great or awesome as some are saying.
It simply stated what im sure most asian know and have thought about before. It doesnt really shed any new light on the subject.
Average article.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
True, if you can, then do so as much as you can.
But if you can’t, indeed if I have just spoken English so well with my elder in the shop, who is trying to speak English (when in France, speak French, when in England..etc) why should I go mess it all up and speak the Bengali in such a shameful way, that my mum will be put down for never teething us out of the kiddy Bangali into fakhna (ripe) Bengali?
I had this in the local Laundrette last week which has been long owned by a Bengali chap. My first time in there, he had no issues in explaining how everything works in broken English, though eventually he discovered I was bengali, so encorouged me to speak so. It went so well until then, sooo embarassing, ‘grown woman, talks like a little child..blah blah’. Well I did warn you uncle, now don’t look at me like that!
Anyways, shameful it was, but that is me, a todays girl who just simply did not get sufficient exposure to ready me for conversations of beyond book level 3 (Ammar boi, lol).
So it is upon us, to conserve our endangered species, our mother tongues, not so that the future gens would necessarily be using it to earn their wages or as a pulling line in a social, but as a keepsake of their many roots.
As such, if I become a mummy, I would definately replace those violin lessons with Mother tongue lessons for the kids instead.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Kia Abdullah
Thanks for this text
November 24th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
When I was staying in the USA, we used to call the American born Bangladeshis ABCD meaning American Born Confused Deshi. The term was almost true with a few exception. And the exception was created by the conscious parents who loved and respected the roots and identity. We simply cannot blame the young ones. The blame should go to the parents who themselves are somewhat confused about their identity.
Singapore has a law that every nationals living in Singapore must study in their mother language. Every Bangladeshi-Singaporean children are learning Bangla in the school now a days. May be the Deshi people living in Europe or USA should lobby to the respective governments to adopt the same law.
Thanks Kia for bringing this important issue. And the others who contributed.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:12 am
LOL I’ve been in this situation before, but I just ignore them. I hate it when Indian/Pstanis start talking Hindi/Urdu with me, how am I supposed to understand it? I can’t even speak Bengali properly. Sometimes when Bengalis ask for directions I just say “I don’t know” coz I can’t explain it.
The other thing is with the elders and people back home if you can’t spak Bengali they think you’re stupid!
February 19th, 2009 at 12:25 am
It is quite funny how you are refering to the increase of the loss of the mother tongue, however you don’t really seem to mind that your culture and religion is being lost with your actions of leading the ’single’ life!!