Flesh Wounds
Posted on 02 July 2008 by Kia Abdullah
Should Asian attitudes towards flesh flashing be changed or maintained?
“Slut alert,” says a girl sitting at the next table. Her friends shriek and erupt in a fit of giggles. I follow their gaze, silently questioning the calibre of clientele at this slightly-pretentious central London bar. My gaze settles on a young Asian girl as she saunters over to the bar and leans over to catch the barman’s attention. I blanch at the sight of her buttocks, half exposed by a miniscule pair of hotpants.
I wonder how Asian girls can feel comfortable showing so much skin when it strikes me that I myself have begun to dress less modestly over the years. A mere year ago, only close friends and family could claim to have seen my knees or shoulders. I never wore short skirts or dresses; never bared my shoulders in a sleeveless top; and certainly didn’t show any cleavage.
Today, my Facebook account is littered with pictures of me in party dresses, which expose my legs, shoulders and, at times, even a bit of cleavage. I don’t add strangers to my account so this flesh flashing is not open for public viewing but it is there nonetheless.
I’m not quite sure how this transition began. I guess once I started living alone, I became more comfortable wearing skirts and dresses; things I never wore before because I knew my parents wouldn’t approve.
Some will say my moral compass has deteriorated due to the lack of parental supervision. I must ask: does the fact that I wear skirts mean I have no morals? Does it mean that I indulge in casual sex, drink, drugs and crime?
Some will insist that there is a causal link: more flesh = more attention from males = more opportunities to engage in casual sex = further degradation of moral compass. But just because a woman attracts male attention, it doesn’t mean she is doing or will do anything wrong.
I can identify with the virtues of modesty. In fact, I’m one of few women who don’t blame men for looking at scantily-clad women (it’s hard not to notice a woman’s derriere hanging out of a pair of hotpants!) but at the same time, I don’t think the onus should be on a woman to cover up solely to prevent attention. If she accepts that she will be looked at, she should be able to dress how she wants.
I often tell off my 18-year-old sister for dressing too ’sluttily’, but I’m beginning to understand that we all have different styles and tastes, and we all reconcile these with our parents’ values and our religious values in our own way. Some girls will walk out of the house and whip off their hijab in their boyfriend’s car; others will be rebellious and blatantly walk out in a mini-skirt. Some, like me, will dress conservatively most of the time but will wear a daring dress once in a while during a night out.
Rather than calling each other sluts, we should accept that we’re at different places in our lives. Maybe next year I’ll be in a club wearing a pair of hotpants or maybe I’ll be wearing the full hijab and praying five times a day. The point is, it will be MY choice and as long as I can balance it with my values, then that’s all that matters.
What are your thoughts on this issue? Where in the skin spectrum do you come in and what do you think of the ones at the other end? How important is it to preserve Asian sensibilities about skin? Men, do you respect girls who bare flesh? Will you expect your girlfriend to dress more traditionally after marriage?
In short, should conservative Asian attitudes towards flesh flashing be changed or maintained?
  (12 votes. Average: 4.5 out of 5) |
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July 2nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I think the “norm” is certainly shifting, with different ethnic groups having different thresholds. Morally is it right? depends on the extremities. But allot of us are caught inside the web, and aren’t as shocked by it (including me) any more because of the gradualness of change.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Hmm… no comment from any girls yet.
Anyway… nay of the nakedness. Although most guys may find it “eye candy”, it’s degrades women, and the wider world becomes attached the the visual image, rather than thinking twice on the skin deep aspects.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I think you’ll find that it’s generally OK and acceptable nowadays to go flesh baring in many ‘Asian’ communities bar the Muslim Asian ones i.e. Bangladeshi/Pakisatni communities that you and I may belong to.
Interesting point about being at different places at different times, we learn from experience which includes the good and bad times etc but in all honesty, it seems like a cop-out to me. A bit like saying “you only live once”.
I’m not shocked at Asians flashing skin anymore - it’s almsot becoming the norm. Just makes me appreciate the women who look equally as gorgeous dressed more modestly, and covered up too.
I wonder what other trends our Asian lot will follow next…casual sex, drinking, out of wedlock babies etc etc. Yikes.
*A nod for sticking to sensibilities in general*
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 am
Its not rocket science–skimpy outfits, make you alluring and those that allure, are …
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 am
Most desi will agree, flesh isn’t good..
But where do average pplz draw the line? We got:
Full cover niqab -> showing face burka -> hijab -> shalwar kamiz only -> shirt/pants but fully lenght -> shorter dress or sleevless -> showing off bit more.. n can go furthur.
I am at wester cloth but full lenght, never worn anything sleevless or non full lenght skirt. I sometimes see desi girls who are showing more flesh n think “thats wrong” But then i wonder what the lady wearing niqab or even the one dat wearsh shalwar kamiz all the time thinks of me.
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
A few typical replies already popping up, baring felsh = slut etc etc
I’m genuinely surprised these attitudes still exist, I thought they went out along with the sideburns my Dad used to sport in the eighties.
Time moves forward, people tend to assimilate their surroundings and “fit in”.
Now theres nothing wrong in being covered up with a Hijab or whatever takes your fancy, but equally nothing wrong in donning a nice little dress and some killer heels.
Personally, I think it shows confidence, whether it is misplaced or not is another matter entirely.
Abid says:
“it’s degrades women, and the wider world becomes attached the the visual image, rather than thinking twice on the skin deep aspects.”
Degrading? A bit strong I think, perhaps we should credit them for having the independence of thought not to follow the crowd and expressing themselves.
As a final parting shot, “visual image/skin deep aspects”, come on, lets all be honest here - no one ever chose to go home with the bride of Frankenstein.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
I find it quite amusing when men say that skimpy outfits degrade women but in the same instance mutter ‘cor blimey’ under their breath when they see an attractive girl in a short skirt and backless top. As for women…in a sense I reckon it’s pure jealousy because a lot of women simply don’t have the guts to wear what they want or like because they haven’t got the confidence. And if they choose to dress modestly, have a coke and a smile and shut up. Modesty in the Asian communities is just another excuse to be obnoxious and somewhat elitist.
I don’t think anybody deserves the right to say what’s right or wrong for another person to wear because it has nothing to do with them. Sure, there are certain etiquettes in certain places (i.e. no shorts or sleeveless tops in the Vatican etc), but this whole judgemental way of thinking and stressing about what the community may think, which we seem to have adopted from our parents who grew up in far more conservative times than us, is absolutely rubbish. Live and let live.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I’m not going to say that I find it unpleasant to see women wearing next to nothing :) but putting things into perspective, such attitudes drive us further down the road of a superficial society where looks is EVERYTHING (more so than now!).
So what is acceptable and what is not? mini skirts? hotpants? see through tops? the marker has shifted more and more with time… and if there isn’t anyone around to counter these attitudes, sooner or later individuals will be walking around with no clothes on at all….a dn it will be “acceptable” and the “norm”.
Also… to all those guys (even girls) who think it’s acceptable, would you allow your younger sister to dress like that?
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
modesty and moderation i think is the key. Whether you want to wear clothing to express your spiritual lifestyle or your cultural or the mainstream fashion (or not) - do it with grace and style. Less (literally) does not always mean more.
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Well said Rahima. A lot of girls who look slutty do so because they look tacky and just don’t know how to pull off an outfit. There are times when even if there is a lot of flesh on display, if it’s done gracefully with stylish clothes you’ll look great rather than slutty. I say wear what you want as long as it looks good, makes you feel happy and you’re confident/comfortable in it. People will always be judgemental no matter whether you are covered up or baring all, so just do whatever pleases you and expresses your personality best. I also think that morality should be judged on a person’s actions rather than their fashion sense, otherwise unfair and often grossly inaccurate assumptions are made and judgement is passed purely on appearances alone. I think people need to be more open minded on this one and leave it to individuals to live as they please without the Asian community frowning at them.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:22 am
There are 2 aspects that play a part in how we (as asians) dress. The first is religion, the second is culture. Both are very easily confused with each other but can potentially be miles apart.
Does moderation=modesty? What is modesty? and what is moderation? Modesty in a religion such as Islam is completely different to another. Just as the modesty in a muslim country can mean something different to modesty in Islam. Im speaking very vaguely here but I hope you see where i’m coming from. Modesty has little to do with what you wear and everything to do with how you carry yourself, your manners and your personality.
Can I throw a little question into the pool? How is it that some people see a hindu girl wearing a sleevless short dress and maybe don’t think twice, but see the same dress on a muslim girl and judge her like there’s no tomorrow?
July 4th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Becasue as far as i know, islam sets out a dress code for its followers, not sure that hinduism does. So, we judge…hmm
July 4th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Hmm…exactly…(by the way, i don’t ask that question in the sense that I oppose that view, i find myself judging in the same way. Just interesting to see if thats the general consensus…)
July 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Despite the increased independance of living alone, would the author do the same if in a more reserved country? The environment we’re in plays a big part here.
July 5th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Kinda obvious ramz
July 7th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Me: Not really, depends on upbringing, the values instilled in you, and like Cam says alot depends on the country you live in as this reflects what you see happening around you, hence influencing you..
July 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Oh, i didnt mean judging as in, look at her, what a tart! I meant, as in, because we are muslims, and have a dress code that is rather significant, we do tend to, as opposed to other faiths, have a more, look out culture in the way we observe other people.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I feel that fashion has to extremes being body beautiful or looking like your inviting unwanted attention. Its up to you if you choose to bear yourself gracefully or not? I always think that you should dress to suit the occasion and dress for your own enjoyment rather than dressing to desperatly impress.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
It seems post people are talking about two extremes here
the bare all slut and the cover all cloaked
I think a medium is achievable, where the person can dress modestly and still look modern and ‘fit in’, ahich is what
people (in this instance, girls that bare flesh) want to do
They’re not “being individual” or “not following the crowd” because they are.
They’re following the western crowd. Which says less is best, youve gotta look sexy to be acceptable and youve gotta show the goods.
I think having a modest dress sense is good.
Dressing like a ’slut’ will lead the asian community as a whole down a degrading path. little things lead to big things.
We’re just going to end up as coconuts.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Hi guys, thanks for the comments - do keep them coming. I’m going to try and pop into the thread tomorrow to give some more meaningful responses to some of the comments.
Kia
July 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I tried to be a slut once. No one took any notice
July 15th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
KIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(blush)
*smile*
July 16th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Just remember, as a muslim, you will go to hell for showing off your body the way some people do. Fair enough we all sin, but try to limit the sin. Clothes is clothes at the end of the day, there is no need to commit extra sin by revealing so much when you know you can avoid it by wearing something less revealing. You may think that ‘oh we all sin other ways anyway, whats a little bit of flesh going to do’, but the point is that you should try and limit the obvious sins.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:59 am
This doesnt just apply to muslims.
All asians are effected by this.
July 26th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
It seems people assume that girls wear “skimpy” clothing merely for fashion purposes as well as to attract attention. Maybe they’re just hot?
And I don’t get why when an asian wears little clothing she gets labelled a slut but when a non asian or non muslim does the same she’s doing it to attract attention? As long as what you wear is appropriate for the time and place you’re in, who cares. I.e don’t wear a shorts and a boob tube to the mosque.
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 am
> meg
“i wonder what the lady wearing niqab or even the one dat wearsh shalwar kamiz all the time thinks of me.”
A good point. Unless we wear the full hijab and niqab, there is always going to be women out there who dress more modestly than us and who may be inclined to judge us in the same way we judge others. I guess we should all focus on bettering ourselves rather than pointing out the “errors” of other people’s way.
> Nish
“I’m genuinely surprised these attitudes still exist.”
I’m glad you have such a progressive attitude. Unfortunately, many Asians still harbour very traditional attitudes. I think we have a long way yet before we see real change.
> Pras
You make some very good points. I’m not sure I agree wholly with the jealousy thing (I have often balked at other girls’ outfits not because I’m jealous but simply because I’m shocked) but overall, I do agree - we should live and let live.
> Abid
You ask a valid question: where does it stop? Asian women have historically been seen as quite elegant and classy (when the western world isn’t crying oppression) - I think it would be a shame if this class descended into girls stepping into town wearing three belts a la Jodie Marsh. At the same time, if that’s what a girl want to do, that’s what she wants to do, and I do think we should live and let live. I guess my own attitudes towards this issue are rather confused!
> TickTack
Why, thank you (I think :)
> I am not a fundamentalist
I have to say, any sentence that contains ‘you will go to hell’ immediately comes across preachy. It makes your comment a homily rather than a genuine and interesting observation. I think people with strict religious views can engage in interesting discourse with people on the other side of the fence, but only if they step down from their moral high ground.