The Pursuit of Homeliness
Posted on 13 September 2008 by Lady Jalebi
“Lady Jalebi is a young, vibrant Londoner quite happily living the single life and playing the field. Her anxious parents however, think it’s high time she settled down and are on a quest to find the perfect Desi guy for her to marry. From set ups to speed dating, join her each month as she provides a light-hearted insight into some of her weird and wonderful encounters on the long journey to find The One.”
Trying to melt chocolate in the microwave was not a good idea. Neither was trying to bake a cake without an electric whisk, whilst my mother screamed at me to not waste an entire month’s supply of sugar and butter on my first attempt in ten years. I was exhausted and covered in flour - this cake had better work.
The baking had started soon after I met a guy at a speed-dating event.  We had emailed sporadically until I decided it would be quicker to just boldly give him my number.  It worked and I received a call from him the very same day.  He was in the States for business but was keen to meet up once he was back.  I was excited - not only did he want to see me again, but he also worked for an investment bank! My eyes were already glazing over with pound signs and Tiffany engagement rings.
The day of our date arrived and I found myself waiting for him outside the station. I scanned the faces of people walking briskly past when suddenly there he was.  He seemed a lot less good looking than I remembered.  The dim lighting in Opium had been considerably more flattering than the cold light of day.  He was wearing a duffel coat similar to Paddington Bear, his head was shaved and he wasn’t tall at all.  But then as he smiled I noticed his soulful eyes and unexpectedly, I felt butterflies.
The original plan had been to meet for coffee but I was starving at this point so we switched to dinner instead. Â Nerves were quickly dispelled and the conversation was flowing as freely as the non-alcoholic cocktails. Â He was funny, intelligent and sweet with strong family values -Â perfect marriage material! Â This was turning into a great first date and I hoped for more…
Our next encounter was in Bar Rumba.  Dressed in all my fishnet tights and mini-skirted glory, his eyes weren’t the only thing bulging when he saw me.  He didn’t stay long as he wasn’t much of a clubber, but I appreciated the effort he had made to see me.  Things were looking good, even he was looking good… or perhaps it was the dim lighting again.
A week later I happened to be out with some friends near his office so I invited him to join us after he finished work.  As he arrived, I greeted him enthusiastically but was met with a rather cool reaction.  Alarm bells started to ring, even more so when I asked him to stay longer and he responded peculiarly with, ‘Chill, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything’. Huh?!? A few moments later my worst fears were confirmed when he began, ‘Look, you’re a really nice girl, and I do like you, I mean you’re really funny and pretty but…’ I was mortified; he was giving me the ‘Nice Girl But…’ speech.  The next words killed me.  ‘I’m looking for a more traditional kind of girl, you know, more homely.’  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  After one and a bit dates, he had decided that I wasn’t suitable for him, presumably based on the fishnets. I was gutted.  It seemed unfair that he was judging me so quickly without realising that the extroverted way I acted in social settings was totally different to the more subdued traditional way I was at home.
As I left, I wailed to my friend Jaimin about this devastating turn of events - my dream guy had decided I wasn’t his dream girl.  How was I supposed to be ‘homely’? Jaimin, in his effort to cheer me up jokingly suggested I try baking a cake. I stopped in my tracks, frozen by the novel idea. I’d cook my way into his affection and show him that I was every bit as homely as I was party loving! Thus the baking began…
The chocolate cake I had slaved over was finally ready and my efforts had paid off.  It was a masterpiece and I was sure he’d be impressed.  I set off to meet him armed with Tupperware, cutlery and a Capri Sun - a foolproof combination.  I watched his face carefully as he tried it, nervous of his reaction. Success! He loved it and I happily sighed with relief. However, he knew exactly what I was up to.  In between mouthfuls of cake he told me that while it was the best he had ever tasted, he still hadn’t changed his mind.
Although it was obvious he was attracted to me, he was sexually repressing himself in the name of religion and morality. He explained that he was done with pre-marital relationships and now he just wanted to find a simple girl who would stay at home, possibly from the sub-continent, and fall in love afterwards. This guy was old school.
Dejected, I indulged in some retail therapy and bought an electric whisk. Â The following week I made him a cheesecake. The week after was cup cakes. None of it worked.
I gave up once I realised that it wasn’t about whether I was actually ‘homely’ or not, rather it was about the appearance of being homely.  Everything he idealised in a traditional wife I already did and even proved it, but it didn’t matter to him because I simply didn’t look the shy, quiet type.  The irony is that while those girls always seem more respectable, often it’s just a front to conceal the many skeletons lurking in their closet.
And so that leaves me to continue my search for someone willing to look beyond the party-girl exterior and refrain from making snap judgements. Maybe then they’ll realise just how much more to me there is to discover…
  (19 votes. Average: 4.63 out of 5) |
Tags : cooking, lady jalebi, marriage
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September 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I genuinely felt slight bad for Lady Jalebi after reading this article. After her almost endless search for the perfect partner, she seemingly finds one, only for him not to want to be with her.
September 13th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I dont usually leave a comment..altho i do stalk ur articles like mad…but i just had 2 leave a comment on this one…its a plight faced by many asian girls..n its a sad one…but im glad ur not ‘changing’ to fit a man’s image of a traditional wife..ive seen many girls do it..and i think its quite sad…
keep up the writing..ur articles are amazing to read…
September 13th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
What makes me wonder is what he was doing at the speed dating in the first place if he’s looking for a “homely girl”?
And I don’t think baking 3 different types of cake is going to impress anyone or convince them that you are ‘homely’ lol. But nice try Lady J.
September 13th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Such a sweet article. Hope it works out well eventually Lady J.
September 13th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
> Jelly
You are kind of making the implicit assumption that everyone that attends speed dating events are loud and rowdy. I’ve never been so can’t say from experience, but I wouldn’t think that such would be the case.
September 14th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
great article!!
September 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
loved it. cake man doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. investment w*@£er.
September 14th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I so hear ya lady jalebi!!! no amount of cakes u bake will ever make out ‘homliness’ to a man who wants a ’stay at home’ wife…hey theres nothing wrong with being a stay at home wife, many of our mothers did or do it, HOWEVER we are educated, 21st century women so excuse us for having a bit of ‘modern’ lifestyle and enjoying FREEDOM. We have nothing to be ashamed of and im all for what you see is what you get rather than pretending to be something that wer not and bagging a twit who fell for the stepford housewife cake baking persona only for it to be at our detriment as how long can someone put on such a farce? stick to your guns lady jalabi..you will get there..especially with a good ‘un! x
September 14th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Guys guys guys…before u diss cake mans type I just wana say, he was describing me da homey thing, and if someone duznt fit da criteria u shudnt dis da criteria itself u no. Did I makeany sense?
September 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
AMS- I’ve never been on speed dating myself but I’m assuming if Mr Perfect is looking for a more traditional girl to settle down with, he should use the traditional route to find the girl.
I didn’t mention anything, implictily or explixitly about speed daters being rowdy or loud. Rather, I am actually saying that Mr Perfect was a nutter for going to the speed date event, meet a girl, like her and what you can read from Lady J’s article, dismiss her cos maybe her skirt was too short or maybe coz she didn’t fit his image of how a homely girl should behave/be.
It’s just another case of guys being idiots (not all guys but a lot amongst Asians), that they can have fun, enjoy themselves with a girl, really like her, but when it comes to marriage, they want someone either from ‘back home’ or someone who fits their unrealistic image of a traditional girl/wife.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:52 am
“his eyes weren’t the only thing bulging when he saw me”
..
…
….
=|
September 15th, 2008 at 2:56 am
Gold-digga??
Is this story for real? Did you really think a decent Muslim guy would be impressed to meet you dressed in fishnets in a night club?!! Like fishnets would make him think, “she is definitely the one for me, I can just imagine taking her home, can see us both sat on the couch with my mum and dad!!”
Either appearance matters or it doesn’t, you can not have it both ways?? You judged this guy and everyone else at the speed-dating event by their appearance but you think it is unfair to be judged by the way you dress?
Ask yourself if you are really ready for marriage.. or you just after a rich guy to buy you presents and some Tiffany’s bling ??
September 15th, 2008 at 11:52 am
IF ONLY I WAS A BLOKE, I WOULD MARRY YOU :(
keep the articles coming!
September 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
so with u, i like going out enjoying myself, but at the same time i know how to be homely too at home and what my responsibilities are.
However so true, i get judged about what sort of person just by the way i am when im out and what my appearance is…guys need to grow up we have been taught something by our mothers!!!
September 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
BUT IF I CAN ALSO ADD…..if i was meeting a guy for marriage, i would not go to a club or bar to meet him for a start…and certainly would not be wearing fishnets…..which i dont wear anyway….
u have to understand that, it would just not give the right impression….
meeting in a club is one thing, but a skirt and fishnets? please, that is just ‘girlfriend’ material for a guy….
September 15th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
i wear fishnets during the day, and even to family gatherings. my family is tradtional. just because a person wears fishnets, does not make them not marriage material.
lol
i am glad this guy buggerd off. at the end of the day, would you really want to be with a loser like him?
are there guys that live in the real word, yes there are. i am with one of them, and know of so many.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
my reply was at Ayesha and her demonisation of fishnets!
September 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Agree with dib-dob,
I’m no stay at home girl but that really is not the best early impression.
Nevertheless, I assume that you guys got a fair idea of each others expectations before you met, so no doubt from that must’ve thought he was cool like that.
Perhaps he led you up for that fall?
From my own experiences, the for marriage guys don’t rule going out in small outfits out, but view it as a treat that they’re in control of and practically part of foreplay.
He has no control when you’re still officially single and therefore viewed differently i.e ‘can be anyone’s’ .
Does that make sense?
I’ve learn’t to basically tone down to smart casual. I would expect my type to turn up in smart jeans and shoes, so i go for my most flattering jeans and a top that goes from day to night, to match.
I find that it gives enough for them to know whether they fancy me enough physically, without his ‘bulges’ taking over, so we can both concentrate on enjoying each other’s company and talk about how i don’t bake cake for anyone but i do cook a nang curry if he deserves it!
September 15th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
great response … Ladybird, Mashallah.. wha wha! :)
September 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
grea response ladybird! :)
September 15th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Mashallah ladybird! the trauma of love and romance and finally the one, when east meets west!
Quote “The path to find our soul mate is never an easy ride, but a long difficult journey”, Vikram Seth, ‘A suitable boy’…
September 15th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
fair comment kadija, that makes sense. but i just mean in this situation i agree with ladybird, smart casual is more appropriate..as u dont know each other well enough in the first couple of meetings…so therefore a person makes judgements based on appearances first.
When i first met the guy i am with i wore toned down casual clothers, and when he understood what sort of person i was, i felt more comfortable wearing whatever as he knows what my intentions are at this stage- it stopped him having the initial impression that i was a ‘free girl’.
At the end of the day, we have to accpet that no matter what men, esp desi men will judge on appearnce to BEGIN with….but that does not mean that after they get to know u they will have the same views.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
This story has high lighted the fact that some asians tend to have double standards which are really hypocrate and the fat that they do not look beyond the cover ‘never judge a book by its cover’! However lady J did make a mistake by meeting him in a club and wearing a fish nets, when she should have got the hint what type of a girl the guy is looking for due to the fact he is into traditional family values.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Plus Lady J is an idiot also, if he said no to her first, then she should not have wasted all her efforts in baking a cake for me.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Plus lady J is a idiot, she should not have wasted all her efforts in bakings cakes for him. Especially when he already said no to her.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
come on now jess, she was only trying to prove him otherwise, through his stomach and all that..
It’s not just guys that have to woo..no good being a stubborn feminist if you’re trying to bag a bloke! Lol
That said a hint is the nice version of ‘you’ve been told’ and an opportunity to gracefully back off and no one gets hurt.
His loss, pshht!..next please! ; )
September 15th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Come on now Jess, Lady J was only trying to prove him otherwise (not that she had to, nor was he worth it)..
No point being a stubborn feminist if you’re trying to bag a bloke!
A girl has to work just as hard to impress as the guy, well that’s my view of equality.
That said, a hint is the polite version of ‘you’ve been told!’, it’s an opportunity to gracefully back off and no one gets hurt.
His loss - Atleast until he’s browsed his other options and calls back on you a few months later…
September 16th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Hey LJ,
I love your articles. I am a bloke and wanted to say Kadija, she’s mine!!! I hope it’s all working out for you. I think Jess needs a serious seeing too as she seems so frustrated about something. I hope she doesn’t blow too many blood vessels trying to worry about an online love story.
LJ, I wish you would bake for me. I’m sure everything you cook is amazing. I can’t believe he didn’t realise what he was missing out on. Fishnets, partygirl and a cook, that’s like the best combination ever!! :P
I think I’m going to have to go to one of these speed dating things and hope I bump into you at some point. I’ll wait to find the beautiful girl wearing the hot pants :)
September 16th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Hey, just thought I’d say hi as Lady Jalebi has been giving me so much to think about recently with all her wild and wonderful stories. I don’t believe you followed my advice, but glad it made you feel a little bit better, even if it was only for a few weeks. There’s so much more for you guys to look forward to, especially as I know what she’s doing everyday :P
I think those of you who are struggling to see the humorous and entertaining side of these stories should seriously take a look at yourselves and think about what you’re doing. I think having a dual life is pretty much what most girls from a conservative background need to do and I think that’s a lot better than either lying to yourself by not enjoying yourself and acting/dressing the way you want or wearing inappropriate things in front of family. Knowing Lady Jalebi, she likes to express herself and can be flirtatious, but she knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it (at least not that often :P). I think those girls who are totally “homely” are really nice and probably more marriage material for certain guys, but that tends to be the type of guys who want dinner on the table when they come home and lunch packed for them and ready by the front door for when they leave to go to work.
I personally like a woman who has a fun side to her and I don’t think I’m a bad guy for it. I understand society places certain restraints on us in certain situations, but that doesn’t mean we have to be regressive all the time. A little adaptation of the more harmless and interesting parts of western culture can be good as long as we don’t forget where we come from and what our morals are. I’d say Jess and Dib Dob need to get with the times and learn to stop judging a book by it’s cover and maybe sometimes read the first few chapters and decide if they want to read more.
I’ll try and leave a few more comments from now onwards and KT, you won’t be dissapointed if you do ever manage to bump into her at one of these events.
Take care all,
J
September 16th, 2008 at 10:01 am
you should have tried something else after the cakes, like done his washing up or something.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:46 am
He does not want a homely wife. He wants an uneducated girl, who won’t have experienced much in life. So she will think he is a real catch.
Strong,beautiful ladies, scare these wimps. You had a lucky escape from this fossil.All that money and he’d of had you bake cakes.
If he was that traditional, he would want his wife to focus on her appearance and leave cake baking to her staff.
So don’t change who you are for anyone. If there is something that you feel you need to change, do it for yourself.
Good luck in your quest though.
Redards from Dr Miriam
September 16th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I think Lady J deserved this kick up the bum. On her ‘quest’ to find the right guy she has done nothing but insult guys, make generalisations and made herself out to be the model wife every guy would want. Then when she met someone who fits her ideals (forget feelings or compatibility), he is not interested in her and treats her with the same unfair courtesy she has treated her previous ’suitors’. Baking the cake was probably the most desperate attempt I have heard about in ages. When a guy says no, it’s final. I’m glad he had his cake and ate it too. I know these are just stories but if there are women like her out there and read this, hope you learn from this.
September 16th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Jaimin,
Are you single? Muslim? hetrosexual? metrosexual? and all the rest of it? hmmm..
Don’t mean to put a stop to these articles, but perhaps her ‘one’ isn’t so far away after all, nudge nudge wink wink ay ay…; )
September 16th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
another banker wan*er in my opinion..he dosn’t know what he’s missing out on! anyway he wont even have a home for his wife now…he is probably on the dole right now. you have too much charisma for him. keep up with the honesty…
September 16th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Love the article. It points out something even the more “traditional” pplz face.
Many guys + parents have their heart set on a girl “back home” but they still look around just 2 “see whats here”. They have no intention of settling with girls here, but they want to experiment.
Everyone has the right to choose whom ever they want. But this “testing the water” really huts girls in the end. This guy sounds the same
I have had family come see me, eventho they were planning on going back home. ofcourse they rejected, as i was expecting, but parents made a big deal and in the end rejection (even from strangers you dont care about) still hurts.
Love the cake bit……. Funny
September 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Entertaining to read, sadly you’re just not quite the “fun to be with and can take home to mum”, i guess the quest continues.
I dont think Lady Jalebi represents the microcosm of bengali girls - thus no real take home messages.
September 17th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Potato luv, you cant go wrong with a potato. Although Lady Jalebi is right up my street.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:24 am
it happens wid guyz too!!! lol
September 18th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Ranjan Ebenezer Thomas (India) wrote
at 10:30am on September 16th, 2008
Fatema,
As many Lady Jelebis there are that float on dream-Tiffany rings & hoping their dashing young investment bankers would embrace them with their fishnet stockings on, I suspect there are as many Lord Samosas floating around in Merc dreams hoping their glamorous Desi gals would embrace them with their thousand inner MCP insanities.
la Chaim or somewhere pretty close
Ranjan ET
New Delhi
INDIA
September 18th, 2008 at 9:25 am
i wanna marry lady jalebi lol sounds like my kinda girl
September 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I’m sorry, but appearances are the bulk of what we have to go on when first getting to know someone. And meeting a prospective suitor in a club in a mini skirt (fishnets or not) is sending out a very deliberate message about yourself; one that doesn’t scream traditional, homely, demure or modest. No amount of cake baking is going to change that.
And can I also just point out that being ‘homely’ is a state of mind, and not simply manifest in the ability to bake. Lady Jelebi is ridiculous for thinking anything otherwise.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
DR. Miriam commented: “Strong,beautiful ladies, scare these wimps….
If he was that traditional, he would want his wife to focus on her appearance and leave cake baking to her staff.”
I’m sorry, but are you mental? Leave it to her ’staff’? She’s not Princess Michael of Kent! Get real mate.
Strong, beautiful INTELLIGENT women can do themselves a disservice when they flaunt their bodies, because it can detract from their personality and intellect.
And he wouldn’t want his wife to focus on her appearance if he were traditional; he’d want her to focus on her appearance if he were a superficial, vacuous ape who only wanted a trophy wife.
Real men want strong, intelligent women who’s beauty lies in more than just the length of their skirt.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
My advice to lady jalebi(s)..be liked n loved for ur personality…as u did wyle choosing ur man.
Dont try to change urself or sum1 else….its not gonna happen in a day ;~). Dont try to prove it either..u will make it worse 4 urself.
I think she got lucky wid da guy..or would have had serious lifestyle clashes in the future.
Being homely is not about fishnet tights or the cakes….its the mindset….or the attitude…the loyalty n love.. a man should understand. Traditional men and (homely)women do lack that tooo..
September 18th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
LOLLLLLL ok not got time to read the whole article but im loving the first few paragraphs especially the line about dreaming up the “tiffany engagement rings” good stuff will resume reading the article later
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Lady J seems more like a wine and dine kinda girl…rather then someone who’d sit at home and bake so probably a blessing in disguise for her!
and anyway who really wants a quiet shy type?? it’d be soo boring!
September 24th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
“I was excited - not only did he want to see me again, but he also worked for an investment bank! My eyes were already glazing over with pound signs and Tiffany engagement rings.”
very shallow, is this the pinnacle of a modern woman, I hope not.
well dwn 2 these speed dating, nt put it dwn, its jst a modern introduction event, if u dnt meat sum1 , at least u will gain sum nre friends.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Listen, I simply said no because I’m looking for someone who would benefit me in the future. For my faith and family, I didn’t really want to be at that club, but I wanted to get to know you better.
Truth is, I have changed, I used to do all that stuff before, but not anymore, I’m more concious of my actions and am looking to settle down. Ok, so I’m not an angel, but to become one, you can’t just say you want to be, you have to put it to “practice”.
Finally, I know that at the end of the day, you want the same… and we would have been perfect for each other. However, I feel that your change towards a positive direction will take far too long.. And I simply can’t wait that long.. They say “never judge a book a by its cover”, I say “It’s time to get a new cover, because the book has always been a fantastic read.”
Your a Nice Girl But…
September 30th, 2008 at 10:00 am
@ Jamal
Thank you for your comment but I’m afraid that there has been a case of mistaken identity. You’re not the person I was writing about but I wish you luck in finding the right person to settle down with.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Was the cake any good Jamal?
October 6th, 2008 at 11:56 am
What can I say about Lady Jalebi, your articles always brings a smile to my face. Sometimes you have to laugh out aloud at your misfortunes, sometimes you have to shed a tear, but most of all, we all relate to what you go through. Keep up the good work, your writing style is great, you’re definetely the asian Carrie Bradshaw, maybe a new asian version of Sex and the City beckons for you. You certainly get my vote
October 6th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Lady Jalebi…I really think you’ve portayed an unfair image of cake-man. U portrayed him to be unfair u no…but he never sed he would marry you. And why the desperate cake baking attempt? It was clearly not u yet u wanted to force yourself becum sum1 ur clearly not. U should try find sum1 like u u no…if u really wana do the datin thing (i dont agree with dating). Maybe my point isnt exactly clear but heres an example(true example)- Me, I’m traditonal,homey,love kids and cooking,I pray, fast and u know what greatly bothers me? Is when ‘bad/party’ boys attempt to score with me u no. They should go try with girls like them but i think its the novelty thing.
Anyhow Lady Jalebi I wasn’t meaning to sound harsh but ur article is quite shocking u no…I mean I don’t personally know you but after reading ur article u seem gold diggerish AND desperate. And a free life lesson-you can never make sum1 like u or want u like that. Its just one of those things.
October 6th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
@PinkPetal
I think the article was highlighting the fact that Cake Man and guys like yourself like to pigeon hole people and cannot see the potential beyond - for example just because Lady J goes out doesn’t mean that when she’s at home she won’t cook or pray or whatever. I think she was just trying to prove that she wasn’t just one side of a coin, but that there are many aspects that make up a person’s character - whether it’s being ‘homely’ one night or ‘party girl’ the next. You can be both and find a happy medium rather than be all or nothing.
And yes perhaps it was a desperate act but sometimes when you really like someone you do strange things, I know I have!
Ps. I don’t think the article is ’shocking’. You need to get out more or at least read a Mills and Boons novel if you think that about this story!
October 6th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
@ Mary- I didnt meanto be harsh but tryin to sho theres 2 sides to every story. Btw I am a girl…and I kinda c cake-mans side u no,coz oz ‘bad boys’ taking an interest in me. Thats all. And girl to girl I was just trying to show that even tho it hurts u cant make anyone like you/want you/love you but you should learn from the experience and perhaps go out with ppl who are like you. Not think someones in the wrong for not seeing your potential as a spouse…just some things you can’t force…and shouldn’t be forced.
October 30th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Yoou give up far too easily. If he was right for you, and through one incident you gave a bad impression, pursue him and show him your other side.
I am almost tempted to say the lack of character and fickleness shown by you makes me think he may be right, but I don’t know you.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Feel sorry for you, but because you were wearing fishnet tight he changed his mid, he just assumed that you’re not the type of girl he’d marry. No offence but I wouldn’t marry you if I met you for only the second time and you were dressed up like that.