Unless you’ve been asleep for the past couple of weeks, a name you’ve probably become familiar with is Humayra Abedin - a Bangladeshi doctor who had been working in the UK before being sent back home, under false pretences by her parents, who wanted her to have an arranged marriage with a man from Bangladesh.

Her Hindu boyfriend came forward last week to bring Humayra’s plight to the attention of the Forced Marriage Unit (who deal with helping British Citizens trapped in forced marriages) and the public.  Of course, Humayra was not a British Citizen, which added further concern and speculation to her case - would the Forced Marriage Unit intervene to help her?

Humayra’s return to the UK marks a victory for the Unit - prior to her, they had only assisted British Citizens. Many of these cases involve girls who are born and raised in the UK. And even with Western ideals, the girls struggle to break away from their parents control.

The work of the Forced Marriage Unit recently featured in a documentary presented by Saira Khan - ‘Forced to Marry’, just before Humayra’s story broke out. It followed Saira to Pakistan, where she was investigating a number of reported cases. Many of these were similar to each other: young girls, some as young as seventeen taken abroad, on the pretense of a family holiday and then held under house arrest, and forced to marry a close relative, or a family friend.

In the documentary, once they managed to find the victim, they attempted to speak to the girl alone and leave the final decision of whether she wants to return home, or not, to her. One interesting points which was highlighted was how the Unit wishes the parents to be involved in the process. If the girl does decide to return home, the family are informed first, or if she is married, the in-laws are informed, and then she is taken to a refuge by members of the British High Commission. Watching the girls make this decision, and listening to what they had to say, was one of the most insightful but heartbreaking bitter truths of forced marriage stories. Being trapped in a culture where obeying their parents first, and putting their personal needs second, caused turmoil to all the victims.

Many of the girls decided to return after much deliberation - facing the harsh reality that it may mean a new life in the UK - ostracised by the rest of their community, and more so, their entire families. But one girl didn’t return. She had been badly beaten by her new husband, but felt that this is what her parents had wanted for her. This was their wish and she, despite her own wants, must stay and somehow make the best of her situation. The deep emotional and psychological damage had already been done, and the Unit failed to help her.

The sad reality is that the Unit only deal with cases at the tip of the iceberg, and even when the help and support is offered, many girls decide to stay trapped in the marriage, away from a life they had known, their friends, and made to believe that staying is the only way forward. Their struggle becomes a need to keep their family’s honour, in spite of their own desire to separate. The forced marriage issue is deeper than we can ever know. It is much an issue of izzat (honour) than anything else.

Whilst the new law which came into place last month, may act as preventative measure, we know from the cases dealt with by the Forced Marriage Unit that these victims don’t wish put their families under any more hurt and pain. They don’t wish to bring shame into their community, and by acting in their own self-interest, they believe that they will. Faced with the possibility that they may send a family member to prison, the chances are that many victims will do all they can to protect their families honour. So even the matter of raising an alarm for help will become an emotional struggle, and drive them further away from the support they need.

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