The Games Girls Play…
Posted on 18 July 2008 by Kaynath Parvez
Women. Ever the complicated species. No but really… we are. Personal gender bias aside, we’re all pretty guilty of baffling our men pretty badly from time to time, competing against our very own girlfriends at the Zara sales, and buying one too many pairs of shoes than our parent/partner can really grasp in their understanding.
It’s in our genes. Sometimes we’re weird like that. But the ‘Complex Creature Theory’ aside, what about the infamous female sport of ‘Man-Hunting’? How far will a girl really go to get a guy?
Wednesday afternoon, and my good friends Sim, Bee, Missy (false names given to protect identity), and I meet up for weekly lunch. Conversation kicks off, and focuses upon the subject of beautiful, intelligent women. One in particular.
“She’s pretty well-rounded,” says our perfectly flawless lawyer-to-be Sim. Our heads bob along in agreement.
“Isn’t she doing really well for herself?” adds our never-achieved-below-a-first-class Bee, “She must be smart.” We all concur that indeed she must.
“She’s pretty. Who could she marry…” Doe-eyed Missy, of course, ever the match-maker. Laughter pursues, and I conclude, “Well I’ve not really spoken to her but she seems cool. Quite the match for any bachelor.”
Some people have it all, we sigh, ‘Miss Match’, we call her, chomp chomp, munch munch.
So that was last Wednesday. Two days later, the Friday which followed taught us that God was perhaps a tad peeved off at our conversation over lunch, and felt the need to intervene.
My close friend Neel, an incredibly eligible and handsome bachelor (with a nice car) rings me up asking whether I have hidden feelings for him that I would like to admit to, and could I possibly please not have them because I wasn’t his type and he would rather die than date me. I spit back that dying was not an option for me and I would rather be eaten alive by domestic cats than harbour any remote emotion towards him.
Now apparently, according to Miss Match, I had private messaged her on the ever-dramatic ‘Facebook’ network to “warn her” of Neel, implying she was stepping on my slippers and would she back-off puhleeeez. Baffled, we assume there has been some misunderstanding or misconstruing of words, and thus move on to play “Rate Your Mate” (Bee won hands down) for the next twenty minutes.
The following day, however, Miss Match is back. She insists to Neel that I am a liar, that he should re-think being friends with me, that I have an “emotional disorder”, and that she was sending ‘proof’. Soon after, a print-screen of the so-called message arrives in his inbox. He hits forward, and within minutes, an immaculate picture of her computer screen stares back at me. Lo and behold, there on the left was my profile picture and name. And a message I had not written. Utter confusion.
It was conference call time. Thank God for technology nerds. Neel on one line, me on line 2, and Sim and Bee together on line 3.
“This is insaaaaane!” I screech. “My account can’t have been hacked because I can still access it. Plus I changed the password, like 2 days ago, to something really mortifying. Don’t ask what it is. It would actually lead me to lie face down in a gutter in shame. Like, forever.”
Ever-understanding Sim solemnly vows never to shame me in such a way.
“Also,” I continue, “it can’t be from a fake account because she already has me on her friends list, so she’d obviously know if a new ‘me’ messaged her.”
“Ok.. then what?” asks Bee.
“Errrr…” I trail off.
Neel speaks: “It’s fake print-screen. Wtf?”
So the rest is history. The four of us staaaaaared at our computer screens blinking only once every hour, finally found the fatal flaw (they ALWAYS leave one), and hit jackpot bingo. You had to give it to the girl; she’d done a pretty good job. But unfortunately, she had been silly enough to use an old message I had innocently sent her back in April (regarding signing some petition) as a template, and just pasted her fake message on top of it, adjusting the date and time accordingly. Damn. Smart.
What she had failed to notice, however, was the unique message identification code in the address bar, which upon our sleuth work was found to match that of the original message. Bingo bango, recipe for disaster Numero Uno. Woops. Not so smart, then?
So is this what it all comes down to? Defaming, lying, and fabricating proof on another woman just to get your hands on a man? That too, between two friends. I’m not a girl to mix relationships; all she had to do was ask if I had my thumb in the pie. I would have happily put her fears to rest. I didn’t know it was possible for a girl to go to such lengths to break-up a friendship. Surely that’s the only reason? If not that, then what? Was she uncomfortable with my presence? Was I threatening? Did I forget to return her poke on Facebook? Did I steal her seat on the tube one day? Did I have longer hair than her? What? And whatever the reason, how is behaviour like this possibly justified, whatever her motives may be? To be so well-educated, pretty, well-spoken.. And yet to act in such an undignified manner. Our lunch banter had SO blown up in our faces. Goodbye Miss Match, hello mismatch.
Neel’s a cool guy; it didn’t get to his head. And by the grace of God, we’re lucky our group is pretty air-tight. We dealt with it accordingly. But it just goes to show the lengths to which a girl can go. How completely random. “Oh hello, I don’t really know who you are but I’m going to ruin your life now”..? Umm.. YAY?
Honey. Will he let you borrow his bronze sling-backs? No. He won’t own a pair. Will he tell you when you have the wrong colour lip-shade on? No, no. He most likely won’t know to tell you. Will he give you his last Kotex when you’re about to commit first-date suicide by staining your Dior dress? Errrrr.. I very much doubt it.
What happened to the traditional methods of getting your man? Friendship, phone calls, coffee, meeting his friends, the works? Without even befriending a guy first, were girls now inclined to first slay and destroy all other females in his life before making a move? How many of us women have come face-to-face with similarly awkward situations, where claws are out in our faces and we have to uncomfortably break the news to our unsuspecting male friends? The concept is beyond me. And it’s mortifying to think that some of us have enemies and rivals without even really breathing in their direction first. I mean, I’M SORRY… do I even know your surname? Come again??
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July 18th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Brilliant! Why would a girl go to such lengths? HOW LAME! It’s good you guys are such good friends
July 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
…and that was a pointless read. But I’m going to assume that I wasn’t the target audience?
July 18th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Been there done that : know the feeling! Interesting read
July 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Pretty good read, slightly long but you didn’t bore so I suppose you can be let off.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
So what’s Neel’s number?
July 18th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
wowwwwwwwwwww sis.very gud. girls like ‘them’ should read this article. :p
July 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I was just impressed by the girl’s technological skills - I certainly wouldn’t have the idea or know how to pull off a stunt like that. But then again I’m not as insecure or crazy as this girl sounds.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Agree there with Muffin- what a stunt to pull (!) Either she was very stupid or she thought you were
July 18th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
“It’s in our genes. Sometimes we’re weird like that.”
Too right!
July 18th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
woah. agree wiv muffin.this girl must be sh*t hot wiv computers/technology (not 2 mention having way 2much time on her hands) 2 go the lenghts of making a fake screenshot.do ppl lyk that exist?
July 18th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
oops just noticed my typos!my bad.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Let this be a lesson to all those girls who forget morals and principles on their journey to bag themsleves a man. love can not be attained by stabbing people in the back and through malicious lies like that. Instead you will gain a lot of pity, not love and lose all your friends when others realise what a conniving girl you are.
As for the author a very big well done. Enjoyable read and thank your lucky stars that you have friends like sim, bee and neel. mwah x
July 18th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Agreed, you are a lucky girl. And I’m glad someone has spoken of their experience, I think I am going to make all my male friends read this so they know it happens and are prepared (!)
July 18th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Oh my gosh i cant believe somebody could do that, its so shocking the games some girls play.
Anyway brilliant article, it kindof of reminds me of the column Carrie wrote in sex and the city. So Kaynath cant wait to read ur next 1, hope its as good a read as this cos this is the shit! Xxx
July 18th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Did I forget to return her poke on Facebook? Did I steal her seat on the tube one day? Did I have longer hair than her?
Had me giggling.
Not bad, the website must be applauded.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
i love how u manage to out some humour into it and make it light hearted when talking about something so serious and psychotic. I cant believe a girl can go to that lengths to get a guy. From the convo u guys were having she seemed nice, its worrying how wel people can hide psychoness. She needs to be referred to the mental asylum
July 18th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I love it baby!!! Guys and Dolls beware, this girl may be out to get you next ;-P
July 18th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Excellent writing style, looking forward to more regular pieces from you! I guess we can only hope your life continues to be this dramatic..!
July 18th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Image: Psycho girl up all night, cutting-copying-pasting-deleting-editing or whatever it took to create this facebook message. Demented, yes, but comical.
The technicalities of the task were surely frustrating. I must say, I am inclined to praise her shrewd determination and effort. Round of applause? Miss Match if you are reading this, please do give yourself a pat on the back from me. And then perhaps one across the face, you are a shameless embarrassment.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Lol @ Uma.
It’s true, what is our gender coming to. It really is a shameful embarassment for all us girls. I mean what on earth must your friend Neel be thinking! Iv been in a similar situation where iv had to inform a friend about what was going on behind his back but this is taking things to another LEVEL.
July 19th, 2008 at 1:13 am
u know if it was me, i wouldve taken both girls…
July 19th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Solution for guys: don’t restrict yourself and just go for Asian girls. You’ll inevitably end up with someone psychotic anyway.
July 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Pras, that’s far too big a generalisation. Most Asian girls = psychotic is like saying most Asian boys = rude boys. Untrue.
July 19th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Hear hear.
July 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Ok the way you put it makes more sense actually. Most Asian girls = psychotic. Not all.
=P
July 21st, 2008 at 10:24 am
Asim I agree, bit of a pointless read but there you go.
To Anonymous who said “excellent writing style”; really? I’m beginning to wonder what the key demographic of Inside Desi is. Sorry to say this but it felt like I was reading a teen-mag.
Kaynath, I have read your other articles and they are good but what was the need for this?
Re. the above comments about Asian girls: I don’t know about “psycho” but most (note: I say “most” and not all) of the ones I have come across are plain weird: b*tchy, insecure, attention seeking and not to mention two-faced. Be honest girls, how many of you have bitched and back-stabbed about someone and then are as sweet as pie to that person’s face? It’s pretty shameful really.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:34 pm
If most Asian girls are psychotic, maybe that’s why a lot of Asian guys tell me I’m different cos I’m “genuine” and “not like other Asian girls.” Hmmm… this explains a lot.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:06 pm
hmmm, I dont know whether to laugh or cry on this one. Psycho is one thing but invariably come with the arranged marriage interview. Eek.
Our friends will save me…well im gonna leave it to them to find me someone.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:57 am
We are renewing our site now-www.new.facebook.com
July 24th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
thats 5 minutes im never getting back.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
lol @ fug.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
hey Kay… is this a real story? can somebody be like this? please tell me it happened when you were teenagers and not now - right?
July 25th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Sadly a true story Asha, and not during teenage years either..!
Thanks for the feedback guys, appreciated muchos. X
July 26th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
can somebody pls tell me, what was the need for this article?
July 26th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
It’s hardly a question of ‘need’ - why the fuss? I found it a funny and insightful read. And you didn’t name and shame either which was rather noble. More please.
July 26th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
yap yap yap yap….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
July 31st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
lol@ Abz
it did read like a bitch/gossip session
July 31st, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Miaoww!! But totally called-for sistah. Iv dealt with some crazy girls myself. Anyway, liking your new appraoch, give us another dose :) :)
July 31st, 2008 at 3:06 pm
And what on earth did happen to the traditional methods of getting your man? They do seem rather non-existent these days. I am still not gutsy enough to chase a guy myself, it makes me worry that we’re the ones that will be left behind as a result! :(
July 31st, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Looooooooooooooong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But otherwise ok.
@ Myesha, am one of the not ‘gutsy’ chicks too dude! Don’t scare me! But am def not prepared to make a fake screen shot to get my man lmao lmao
July 31st, 2008 at 3:15 pm
:)
July 31st, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Haha- nor am I darling!
September 21st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
OH MY GOD! What a waste of time this ‘article’ is!!! If you can call it that! Seriously???
Maybe you should have written an autobiography instead!
Even the style of writing is something i’d expect from a 12 year old….completely dear diary standard!
Inside desi surely if you want yourselves to be acknowledged as a serious magazine…..you’re going to have to do better than this…
v.disappointing!
And it seems that most of the positive feedback given for this article seems to be from people who personally know you…
September 21st, 2008 at 4:09 pm
@ buttercup jeez, you really dont like kaynath. you seem to attack her on everythng she writes. fyi i dnt know kaynath.