Pity Dates and Pussy Boys…
Posted on 21 June 2008 by Lady Jalebi
“Lady Jalebi is a young, vibrant Londoner quite happily living the single life and playing the field. Her anxious parents however, think it’s high time she settled down and are on a quest to find the perfect Desi guy for her to marry. From set ups to speed dating, join her each month as she provides a light-hearted insight into some of her weird and wonderful encounters on the long journey to find The One.”
A very sweet and innocent friend of mine recently went on her first ever date with a guy she was set up with by a mutual friend. He sounded like quite the catch - same religion and background as her, tall, attractive not to mention a nice guy too.
Numbers were exchanged, texts flew back and forth, and a date was soon arranged. It all seemed to go well enough - yet sadly things began to fizzle out rather quickly afterwards. She complained that she was doing all the legwork and he didn’t seem all that interested. It was a shame but it didn’t matter too much as she was moving to Wales for a year and who could be bothered with a long-distance relationship? So he was confined to a distant memory, until last weekend that is…
Mingling away at a birthday party, my friend ended up chatting to a girl he had previously confided to. She revealed that he had confessed to not being ready for a relationship and that the only reason he had agreed to the date was because he couldn’t say no to their mutual friend. Imagine my poor friend’s distress that her first date was actually a pity date. I was horrified when I found out and my first thoughts contained far too many expletives to be printed. But I can in fact relate to her.
Earlier in the year, a good friend of mine (and her mother) tried to set me up with a well-mannered, tall, Bengali doctor. After a lot of bugging, he finally plucked up the courage to poke me on Facebook. We messaged, exchanged numbers, texts and after a few false starts, eventually got around to meeting for a coffee. It was pleasant enough, but a few more texts and calls later things started to falter. Now, I know men well enough to tell when they are interested and when they are just being polite. So after confronting the guy he admitted that while he thought I was a lovely girl he just ‘wasn’t in the right place to get to know anyone’. My friend was furious with him for this. I was less bothered as I couldn’t really blame him for the way he felt. I was a little irritated though; if I hadn’t asked him he would have continued to just drag it out until I called it quits. I wasn’t even after a relationship; I just wanted to get to know him to see if there was any potential. What happened to taking it slow and just being friends first?
But these two events got me wondering why those dates even happened. Was it really out of pity? Perhaps there was an element of curiosity and hope. Even though they knew deep down they weren’t ready for anything, maybe some tiny part of them secretly hoped this date might be different and miraculously cure their emotionally retarded hearts. Or maybe they just wanted to get their friend off their back and it was the only polite way to shut them up. In any case it was a complete waste of time, money and optimism for everyone. First you get your hopes up wondering if this guy could be Mr. Right, then it all goes pear-shaped and you start analysing every microscopic detail to figure out what you’ve done wrong when all the time it’s not you, but a guy who’s too much of a pussy to just be honest about his situation from the start!
So guys, please do us a favour and just be upfront with your friend about how you feel from the beginning. It’ll save us some heartache and quite possibly save your friendship too. Any guy who goes on a pity date because they can’t say no to their friend needs to seriously grow a pair. It doesn’t matter how pushy and insistent they are, get some balls and just say no! It’s definitely what separates the men from the boys.
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Tags : lady jalebi, marriage
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June 21st, 2008 at 1:23 pm
boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. insightful article - can totally relate to your predicament. nothing worse than a man who acts like a boy!
June 21st, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Girls are stupid-er, throw broken glass at them. Crap article - can’t at all relate to your predicament. Nothing worse than a girl who thinks she’s a princess.
June 21st, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Oh, forgot the exclamation mark.
!!!!!
June 21st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Is noone else alittle shocked by the title of this article? Pussy Boys?
Do you even know what you’re saying Miss Jalebi?
Pussy boys meaning vagina boys, indicating men have vaginas, which implies women are weak.
and so pussy boys are weak since they have vagina’s like women.
so you’re promoting bad lanuguage and demeaning women.
nice one.
June 21st, 2008 at 10:04 pm
“but a guy who’s too much of a pussy to just be honest about his situation from the start!”
Ooh, the title can be misleading - even for a light hearted affair. But to say that (quoted above)is seriously damning for a writer who likes to convey herself as a progressive ‘modern’ woman.
I think teh shackles of patriachal oppression may have weatherd down in the years, but some women clearly forget that (to re-iterate from Mr X) - using the word ‘pussy’ in such a manner, not only degrades you as a woman and writer, but also, turns the whole article from light hearted, into confused-ruffling sexist feathers - contradictory-dissapointly regressive and frankly, quite a shame for a someone whose articles usually make me smile.
hmm… quit with that lingo missy, you will only falter your efforts.
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 am
Quit moaning about it you bunch of pussies!
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:29 am
Similarly, I’d love to know what would separate the girls from the women.
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Miss Jalebi, I’m quite disappointed with this article with respect to the tone and language used. I mean, the deragatory use of the word “pussy” is extremely unprofessional and unrequired. Surely as a regular writer on this site, or even so as a regular writer, you’d have an extensive vocabulary, or even the use of an online thesaurus to be able to find an alternative word, such as, coward, caitiff, chicken, craven, dastard, gutless, jellyfish, noel, poltroon, quitter, recreant, scaredy-cat, sissy, sneak, wimp, yellowbelly, dastardly, irresolute, lily-livered, pusillanimous (this is not a suitable alternative for pussy!), recreant, timorous, tremulous etc etc.
Now you have forever put me off pussy!
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I just wanted to say that the guy who illustrates these articles is ACE!
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 am
beside the language, i quiet like the article.
guys r alwasy complaining about woman but they dont realize simple act like these can be very hurtful for girl. About time desi pplz stop analyzing girls act and take a look at the boys action.
When a girl does such thing, she gets yelled by everyone n called a B (think she is all dat) for wasting a guys time. but when a guy does it everyone ignores it.
this arrange marraige is pissing me off (my own case)
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:43 am
calm down… this is the real world - the language just reflects lady jalebi’s frustration with boys. this is not high tea with the queen, if you are too prude to read such words then get off the internet!
great work jalebi, as usual.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 am
Wow, I’m impressed that in the 21st Century people can get so upset by a jokey phrase like pussy! Is this because you’re all stay-at-home critics who love to kick anything that doesn’t precisely mirror your own views, but couldn’t think of anything clever or useful to say? Shame.
For Sir X to need to define the phrase is a bit like being back in the school playground- whilst everyone understands the physical meaning I think they are also aware of what Lady Jalebi is talking about (namely spineless men who don’t have the guts to speak their mind). So don’t cry to your Mum about reading a rude word on the internet, and get back to enjoying the substance of these columns!
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 am
I’m not sure why people are SO offended by something that is meant to be a light hearted social comment … PEOPLE, try smiling, you’ll use less facial muscles!
Love the pictures by the way! Keep them coming Lady J!
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Rokib Alboa, put off pussy for life?? You don’t know what you’re missing.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
puss·y n. pl. (puss·ies) (poos-ee)
1) Slang - A man regarded as weak, timid, or unmanly.
“Girlfriend, that man wasn’t man enough for me because he was a pussy when it came to paying my bills”
puss·y·foot
2) Informal - To act or proceed cautiously or timidly to avoid committing oneself
“…hunny, that man keeps pussyfooting me whenever i suggest going on a date…I don’t think he’s ready for my jelly!”…
…Everyone pls calm down, this young lady (possibly man?) has merely expressed her/his vibrant mind as freely and as tout de state as we would all admire to.
Quick question; We’re the guys in your story hard to get along with or just playing hard to get? i’m always more attracted to those kinda “bad-boy” types who wanna treat us mean to keep us keen…
…I wonder if it works the other way around????
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
PS: Boys are weak, timid, or unmanly…throw rocks at them!
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Puss In Boots: Although ‘Lady Jalebi’ is just a pseudonym which could in theory hide the fact that it’s a man, I really think it’s a girl. Oh and I also fall for the ‘treat em mean, keep em keen’.
Rokib Alboa: I agree that perhaps the expression ‘pussy boy’ could be found offensive by some and there were other words available like the long list you provided but then it wouldn’t have been half as contraversial or made a catchy title.
Flavor Fav - yes the pix rock.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Its more about the being professional than anything else. I think Jillafi is doing well, she has written good articles in the past. But to compete with mainstream press/media, you have to curb your frustration in a more articulate manner. the reason I say this is because, I believe that this e-zine has good potential, it will go very far. But, you have to maintain a level of professionalism.
Also, I think it is very important to regulate the blog, to make sure that the comments are being monitored. After all, the site is representing a lot of high profile people, e.g. Celebs etc.. these types of people may shy away if they see a site that is not fully monitored. When you go to online newspaper sites, eg times, metro etc.. they let you write. But if it becomes offensive, they will pull the comments.
Anyway, Jilbabi, do what you do best… keep up the good work ;)
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I think Me and Jilabi would make a good match…
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
a little piece of advice for those moaning about the word ‘pussy’. try urbandictionary. it is considered a miraculous tool for those poor souls that are missing out on the extensive use of our colourful language. I won’t recommend any words in particular, but have fun perusing.
and sorry to be overly pedantic, but doesn’t the word ‘pussy’ derive from ‘cat’ - i.e. scardy-cat… i.e. pussy… hence entirely appropriate in this context? Really Jalebi, I am truly SHOCKED at how some of your readers automatically jump to some hare-brained conclusions - oh the shame!
and one more thing. what’s so ‘princess’ about not wanting to be strung along by some worthless gimp? oh, um I dunno… let’s ask some of the readers - or maybe not… they’d probably end up stringing us all along…. oh dear. that WOULD be a waste of time.
p.s. love the article
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:04 pm
O.K. I hate to post an argument about language but you people have got to stop. To say she can’t use a word because it’s literal meaning is derogatory is like saying you can’t use the word gay because it means happy. Language changes and so do definitions.
On top of that the word pussy in england stems from pussy cat. I’m serious it’s probably in the oxford english dictionary but i can’t be bothered to confirm (it means a shy and timid person). The one you people are complaining about is the american definition so please stop talking about the use of one particular word and start talking about the actual article.
P.S. i know how sad this rant makes me look but reading 10 posts in a row about a problem that doesn’t technically exist isn’t exactly fun.
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 pm
dam someone got to the point 6 minutes before me and they’ve even said it better than me. I’ll have to be quicker with my critiscisms next time
June 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Colourful language is the use of language which oozes a sense of growth, intellect and progression. The term ‘pussy boy’ which is not only oh so tragically 90’s is also derogative. There’s no harm in using it, I’m not being a prude. What there is harm in doing is using it in, as Rokib said, in an article which places itself in such a professional e-zine such as InsideDesi. It displaces the streamlining of the e-zine and also creates comments which do not show the article’s popularity or depth or integrity, but the flaw that everyone seems to have picked up on…clearly some of us know its unnecessary to use it but in order to appear mildly ‘current’ and ‘radical’ in their post, refute any strand of negation or sexism in that term.
As for your ref to the ‘urban dictionary’ paperfaces- well done on the Google dive - yes, the word does derive from cat - but using your own source, i have posted all the meanings of this term in its current status, which i hope will exhibit the contradiction in your post.
Pussy Boy - cited from the Urban Dictionary!
1. Pussy boy
Homosexual who likes to be extremely submissive during sex. He enjoys being used by his sexual partner and often refers to his ass hole as a c*** or pussy.
2. Pussy boy
one whom is soft or not gangster
3. Pussy boy
A very swishy male who refers to his asshole as a man pussy.
4. Pussy boy
An adjective describing a male who has no penis. This male is often a dumbass, can’t kiss, cries, grabs his own ass, walks funny, and carries an odor.
Voila - even your oh so radical ref to the urban dictionary exemplifies the dire un-necessity for Lady Jalebi to use that phrase.
Sorry to be so anal about this, I just genuinely enjoy reading her articles so this one was a lil ‘hmm’ to say the least. And no ‘LondonAfterDark’ my moaning of this has nothing to do with being upset over the word ‘pussy’. That’s just plain ridiculous. The word pussy need not be something to shy of, literally or literarily so I am not a prude by any standards.
What you should be more concerned about is 21st century people being so blasé and ignorant of terms that are so regressive. Surely, that consciousness updates you as a being (??!)
And anyways, articles are made up of the content, context and the language in which they are presented. If we all sat here and praised the writers work all the time and patted each other for being so nice and then discussed the oh so ever exhausted topics that are sometimes presented in our channels of communication - life would reach its dullest.
Criticism is healthy -whatever the source.
Lady Jalebi, I look forward to your next attempt to soiree with the politically incorrect and entertain us at the same time. Aside all of the above and my extended post on this term, good job on the article as always. Clearly it has manifested a string of comments as intended ;)
p.s. annoyed Englishman – don’t read the posts if its no fun. There’s always another article a click away to peruse.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Love it how Lady J manages to provoke almost everyone with her articles.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
1. I can’t believe a word that is thrown around so casually today has caused such an uproar. In my opinion, there is no other word to describe the guys’ actions. Not one.
In fact, as a single twenty-something professional -I have found myself often using this word to describe not only this type of guy, but also those guys who actually are interested and can’t grow a pair to say anything, while they drool - staring your way. Pussies.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Rahima if you’re not a prude and don’t think there’s any harm in it then why go on about how regressive and derogatory it is?
I do understand your point though, ur main gripe is that while the expression has widespread usage, you don’t think it should be printed. I personally didn’t get offended by it and tend to agree with Anon. I’ve come to expect Lady Jalebi as being quite an un-PC person but it’s up to the magazine whether she should be censored or asked to choose different wording. As they approved it, one can only assume that they took a more liberal view than some of the people here.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
you know what, she has not created a war between pakistan and india by saying pussy. neither is oxford university reading this and marking her language. lady jelebi has written a very good article and besides looking at the content many of you readers are moaning over one stupid word that is only used once in the article(and the title) lady jelebi is right, a man shouldnt play games like that. Dating a girl as a favour for a friend is unfair towards the woman. how do men expect women to feel when they get told from the guy that they only dated them because they didnt want to let their friend down? is that woman not going to feel used? a woman wants you to make efforts only if you want to, not because you feel the need to. and i think the word ‘pussy’ is the right term to use.
if a man cannot simply say to his friend “sorry i dont want to” or anything along those lines then what does that make him??????????????
what kind of MAN is he is he cant even say no to a woman? and it’s not JUST a woman it’s a friend?
and what makes the guy a bigger ‘pussy’ is that he ACTUALLY goes out of his way and wastes his time and money to do something he does not really want to…
has his friend got a gun to his head forcing him to date her friend?……………….NO!!!! it’s totally his choice.
men should understand how soft a womans heart is, its not a toy. even the slightest thing can hurt them and if they do not know that then its a bit obvious that they dont get along with women much….especially when you doing stupid favours for a friend. who does that? not a real man i tell ya.
i as a man understand how women are and one thing i will tell you guys who are being excited about the word ‘pussy’ try and see the main reason about this article and why lady jelebi chose the word that you all seem to be examining. a woman would be hurt by a man who would do something like this, she will feel used and led on. imagine if jelebi’s friend got attatched to him and then he revealed the truth, how pissed off and hurt would she be?
so you tell me if she done wrong by calling men like that ‘PUSSY BOYS’
goodbye
June 24th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Well said Dr. Phil, couldn’t agree more. I’m glad someone actually commented on the article for a change! x
June 24th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Erm, the title is a bit unsettling.
I am not used to such terminologies. I mean does anyone even talk like that?
June 24th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
ps. @anon people say p***** casually? I never thought….
June 25th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Lady J - love it! I don’t care what you write just keep writing it, you make me smile and giggle and I agree with you…upto a certain point….Only those men who are fortunate enough to be inundated with date offers should not pussyfoot around going on pity dates and be straight up. This ensures swift transition onto the next candidate as effectively, efficiently and without inflicting any damage to ones character. If anything, scoring emotional bonus points with the the mutual friend and the duly rejected.
Ironically, these casanovas get dates because they’ve actually grown a pair of big nads, feel comfortable with their gulab-jambus and don’t feel compelled to accept every offer to mix their milk with ones coco pops milky milky coco, mix their milk with ones coco pops, Milky milky Riiiiigh….erm…..anyway, my point is that men should be as straightalking as women are when it comes to these things. You ask a woman if she likes a guy…she’ll consider the long term attributes of that guy in a split second before answering; is he funny? (what did one milk carton say to the other?…hey DUDH!), can he pay to maintain me, can he pay for my annual Zee TV subscription? (kerr-ching!), is he healthy + groomed (i do yoga and the doc said the warts are now healing up nicely!) and will he listen/talk to me (NB: never ask a guy “what are you thinking?”….guys just don’t know how to reply to this question!!! (can we get away with saying we are thinking about sex?)? …A first impression is really the only impression when it comes to women!
However, spare a thought, shed a tear and have pursy-pity for those men who aren’t fortunate enough to go on dates or have over zealous cupid-smitten mutual friends arranging dates by analysing compatability ratios, risk managing links, potential returns and hawking everyone of their single friends as an opportunity to flex their matchmaking muscles on….
For these lonesome guys, the prospect of stringing chivalrous sentences on a string of dates to any female that isn’t “sa main-droite” is pant-pissing! Men also have soft hearts too , so spare a thought for them.
I bet my bottom dollar that the the guy your mate got rolling with was actually stuffing his shoes with ego at the prospect of being introduced to a girl and that the reason he agreed was not “because he couldn’t say no to their mutual friend” but because he couldn’t say No to the opportunity! Unless you’re Hugh Hefner, a guy is humbled to meet a girl…you may not think so, but it’s a big deal to him especially when the offers are usually so far and few he actually initially catches a glimpse of a brighter future and the bollywood ideals begin materialising…
I don’t believe in pity dates. They just don’t exist. A pity date is a smack in the face for all involved!…a pity date is a farce!
A pity date in the eye of a guy is really a missed opportunity sugar coated to all as a “favour” to hide the fact that he blew it! I don’t think your examples started of with the guys going into “pity dates”; they just didn’t go the way they hoped they would…so got labelled as pity dates by either an egoistic guy, an insecure woman or a self-righteous mutual friend!
So guys, if you aren’t getting the “hook-ups” on a regular basis, you need to go for everything you get no matter if you like them or not…you may never know when/if they will ever come by again so make an effort! If it falters get out and get out quick and write it off as a practice run, not a pity date….
If you’re one of the ball crunching guys that has a plethora of women poking you on Facebook/putting fish into your virtual aquarium/turning you into a Zombie quaking to be your buddy and go on a date….you have a moral brotherly duty not to string these women along (aswell as cock-block the rest of the single men in the world!) and lend them the belief that good men actually exist.
Bad guys, think short term gains and that is it. Without prejudice, I assume that neither you or your friend “showed any leg” and this made the shallow guys in your story lose interest…it’s a sad statement to make but quite possibly true (you did state that “AFTER A LOT OF BUGGING, he finally plucked up the courage to poke me on Facebook”), he may have thought he was getting some fun, no strings attached. This is how a man-child thinks and you are better off these dates fumbling when they did.
My view is that the shackles placed on us by our “mutual friends” fuels the fire that burns the very art of wooing….
The main people to blame in your story are the “mutual friends” who evidently misjudged the situation and played the wrong cards without hedging the risks involved. If the credit crunch has taught us anything it’s the importance of credit checking. A good mutual friend is given the responsibility to run a well researched “credit check” on both friends before deciding to match them. Mutual friends should only act as facilitators and not initiators when it comes to match making their “friends” (puppets!)..
June 25th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Rahima - do you want 1 or 2?..
June 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Puss in Boots - 1 or 2 what? you lost me after the first paragraph.. your comment was an analysis of the whole article – hardly the first thing I want indulge into in the morning.
Muffin - ‘As they approved it, one can only assume that they took a more liberal view than some of the people here’
So being more liberal is accepting the word pussy in a published reputable e-zine?
hmmm….. Your models of liberalism are very limited.
Your right when you say that it is up to the mag etc. Clearly they are ok with these terms being used and aired and so I shall Amen to that.
I have no qualms with the usage of the word, I just don’t like the context in which it has been used and if that means I get a barrage of comments thrown back at me for being backwards or prudish then hey, what I can I say. I am a backwards, non liberal, highly strung feminist who should take a chill pill and dig deep for some sense of depth in that article and its title. In return, those disagreeing with me, should take a long look at the historical and cultural negations that lie within such phrases and encourage dignified writing, not writing that has to rely on regressive terms to deliver a message. And you talk about colourful language…sheesh!
June 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am
p.s. @Puss in Boots - kudos to your comment though btw. And in depth analysis with a solid resolve, lol.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Rahima - do you want 1 or 2 sugars in the coffee i’d like to buy you sometime?
June 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
lol
i dont drink coffee
green tea - no milk - 1 sugar :)
June 25th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Can I join You?
June 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Woah! Quite a lot been said, like reading a report on ethics here! But all the more interesting. I think Rahima has a very good point about maintaining the reputation of the ezine.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
That’s so funny! Haha! I’m gonna tell all my friends at school about this clip!
June 25th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Yeh Babe ur right. Dat is well funny - dis story bout that begum and her pussy mans! Dat happend to layla da ova day.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Poor layla, Well, it happens innit. You just move one, like da bruva said! Rah, dis place is like Facebook and dat.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Puss In Boots: from ur description of the different types of guys, which one are you?
Rahima: If you go on a date for some green tea with him, make sure it’s not out of pity ;oP
Rokib: I’m guessing threes a crowd..?
June 26th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Muffin - I’m an opportunist. I know a good thing when i see it.
Rahima - You’re a good thing…
Muffin/Rokib - 3’s a crowd…hence, no need to get “mutual friends” involved..
Lady J - Any thoughts from you?
June 26th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I propose a public register be made up of these people so that they can be named and shamed while they walk in the street. Also let this be a lesson to Lady J to never trust a tall bengali. They’re like low fat ice-cream, on the surface it looks amazing, but something just doesn’t add up.
Oh yeah, great article by the way, I would provide my thoughts on it but I think pretty much everything’s been covered already, I’ll have to get in sooner next time. Keep up the good (and very amusing) work
P.S. does anyone else think there’s far too much of a gap in between the articles?
June 26th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Haha! Rocky Balboa! Is this for real? Is that Your name man!
June 27th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Lady J the article is brilliant! ppl are totally over-reacting and should take the article as a bit of a laugh! but it is true guys should grow some and just say no! if u’re not ready for anything then why waste the time and energy going on a date knowing full well that nothing is gonna happen and getting the mutual friend plus the date excited and giving them false hope!!!! the muppets! Lady J tell ur mate thats moved to wales that the welsh lads here are straight-forward, they have a pair and better looking!!!!
Great job Lady J but why the long gaps between articles!?!?!
June 28th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I was trying to point out the demeaning aspect of the word ‘pussy’ towards women.
I know the word is used widespread, but i dont see the need to promote its use on such a site.
But if everyones fine with using ‘pussy’, as a term to imply weakness because pussies are weak because they get done over by dicks
hence women are weak, because they have pussies. Then fine.
June 28th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
if its ok to use ‘pussy’ in articles on an upmarket site
why not ‘bitch’, ‘hoe’, ‘wanker’, ‘dickhead’ etc?
June 28th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Its not a case of upmarket or down market. If a word, how ever deranged, is used within a literary context, where the writer has made an effort to justify its usage, within that work, then i believe, yes.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:50 am
dnt get me wrng bt women r master’s of doing this…
& u cant even call them a “p***y cos it jst wudnt fit in
if at an early stage u think yer doing all the legwork , get of yer ass & find out y?
use yer brain! only then will u find out whether he is genuinely busy or nt interested in u
bt as i was saying woman do this so damn often, thy merely call it testing the water or making sure he is potential.
it is known 4 women 2 do this many guys at once, where thy can compare them.
if a guy does it , he’s a P***y or bastard.
however morally jst be up front, saves hassle .
June 29th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
@j1nx - I think you’ve missed the point of the article. It’s about saying no if you’re already in a situation or for whatever reason are not interested in going on a date with someone that you are being set up with. This saves all the hassle and legwork. That goes for both men and women. I don’t know the type of women you’ve encountered but most of the ones I know wouldn’t agree to be set up with someone unless they were available and willing so I don’t agree with your statement that ‘women r master’s of doing this… ‘ This article isn’t about meeting someone and then it fizzling out because the people in question weren’t compatible together. If that were the case then sure you should ‘use yer brain’ and find out what the deal is. But this is about writing off someone because of your situation or because you can’t say no to a friend, but then dating them and giving them false hope anyway. Why bother doing that?
June 30th, 2008 at 10:46 am
women are the experts at the whole ‘leading on’ game, then drop the guys like dead weight without an explanation. The men are just catching up.
Women are the original pussy’s
June 30th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Well, they are the future ‘ evil mother in laws. ‘ lol Guess they start early.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
What a dreadful article and furthermore a sorrow title.
The article is appalling and holds little truth and can be seen as contradictory.
Surely the guy that says ‘yes’ to his friend however much he disagrees just to please his mate is far more of a man who isnt willing to give anything a try and continually says no.
Maybe it is you girls who are like Lady J are the real ‘pussies’ instead of trying to be the all innocent girl and still try to go out on dates etc either
a) Stop being a ‘pussy’ and go out and meet real guys and have the confidence to do so, instead of going on these shitty little dates that half your facebook knows about - if you want to be all ‘free’ and ‘modern’ then act like it instead of doing it half assed - go out and meet guys, shows your bodies off etc or
b) Quit whining and stick to your culture and in a sensible way do it right following your faith and culture and you will be far happier in the long run
But FFS stop being ‘pussies’ and trying to go half way by meeting and going out with guys but then say ‘no, I want to remain a virgin or along those lines’ - you cant have it both ways either be a so called ‘independent’ woman and do what you want or shut up and do what your parents say.
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 am
its hard because its pretty new in our culture. dunno about you, but parents dont really train you how to do this kind of stuff. our young people stress different values so its easy to get wires crossed.
one mans manner’s is another womans ‘weakling’.
eg. if i dont do any of that white stuff… does that make me less male? where i come from that is honourable(strength)… and otherwise is weakness.
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 am
@Kaz,
I think you got the meaning of the word “date” wrong. Just because it sounds like a “western thing”, it can imply to us (the Islamic way) as well.
Meeting something your parents showed biodata of, can still be called date: since your meeting someone of opp sex. Its a common word, doesn’t mean ur getting up2 all those behaya things.
Meeting someone whom ur friend has set u up with is very much part of our culture. How one meets can be different: double date, blind date, family date its all same. I don’t see where you are coming from? Because of a word “date”
Lady J clearly indicates she is meeting these pplz for marriage purpose, the way our culture/religion teaches us to do.
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
Thoughts like these of miss jalebis land them in bed soon and then nowhere….making the playboys dramas successful. But they like it…becuz the guy was upfront and said he loved them and got them to bed. But the guy who was honest was a pussy. Yes he was! He dint know wat he was going for and dint know wat the girl really wanted.
A bit harsh but dats a reality.
I have often seen girls appreciate being laid and ditched rather than being ditched before getting laid. …den calling the guy a pussy.
But I am still not stereotyping all girls…only some are like that.
Honesty is not always the best policy guyz.Next tym be a playboy and then ditch the girl…atleast she wont call us a pussy.